it's not his fault he's a fuck up.

So is it the birds' fault for the big bloody feather mess? Or as for the telephone poles, that since there are birds flying around, telephone wires should not exist because it is too tempting for the birds to fly into them? It's all the telephone poles' fault. It should be illegal for the telephone wires to exist because of the disastrous and messy temptation that ensues year after year? Telephone wire = disaster of the pigeons. Big and bloody feather mess. Down with the telephone poles, lets make a big bon-fire. Ha, a big bone-fire made out of all those bloody pigeon feathers.

I left my car unlocked, so it is my fault that the junky can feed his addiction by stealing my shitty car stereo/tape player. I, clean and sober, enable ten seconds of crack-induced bliss. It's all my fault that there is this horrible blight upon society. I need to do more, right? I'll just own nothing of value.... or is it my Toyota's fault for not reminding me that I needed to lock the door last night? He (my Toyota) is in jail right now. He will be chilling with all the other locked up and decrepit junk-yard cars for a few days so he can realize just how good he has it with me on the outside in normal society. That will make him think twice next time he thinks that he shouldn't be reminding me he's unlocked, that bastardo. He can eat all that shitty junk-yard car 5W-30 until his teeth fall out, fuck him. He needs to get his priorities straight. I need reliable transportation or else I'M TELLING MOM.

Yea, it's nice to blame others when we fuck up, but really, doesn't that just constitute another address on the avenue Fuck-up? Why try to escape the fact that you fucked up? It makes you look bad-ass if you are able and willing to talk about and call out attention to your fuck up. It makes you look like a sorry ass loser if you try to explain away and place blame on other forces and people besides yourself for the qualities that surround your life and the direction that it is going in. We are at the helm of our ship, turning the wheel and deciding which island and things to acquire and accomplish.

It's never someone else's fault that you went to, 'that one island where the natives like to eat people and now you are out a left limb.' It sucks limping around, but get over it and get over yourself, that's just how it's going to be from now on.

Or, you can go retreat to the comfortable basement of your mommie's house so you can live your life there because someone else fucked it up, not (PERFECT) you. Just remember, it's never your fault that you are a fuck up. Plus, don't worry, you can blame your sorry ass situation on the fact that you had a fucked up family life when you were young and formative, which never gave you a solid footing in being an adult person who makes good choices. It's not your fault, it's all somebody else's doings.

Wake the fuck up: everybody had a rough time growing up, and thinking that you had it worse than anybody else is a big neon highway sign showing everybody you come into contact with that you are a major loser who will amount to nothing. So, go ahead and build all those houses of sand and pop sickle sticks, because I love to laugh when you cry because the water of true life shuts that shit down all the fucking time.

The Journey of Life is hard and amazing and sad with shots of light and dark happiness. We all are going through the same thing, just with different details of the same old shit that's been going on since the dawn of our time here on earth. You have it no harder or easier than me.

shit

too many family gatherings, and all i want to do is chill out and stare at the computer screen, listening to weird playlists people make up on my favorite internet radio site, try to decide on one name to call the little child growing in my belly, sneeze all the time due to extra-HIGH sensitivity, make/eat chocolate chip cookies/chocolate chip cookie dough, all while dream about getting a WORKING record player: mine has pissed me off for the last time. but, most unfortunately, the receiver is now being weird. a ton of records and a ton of 'free' time, and no way to pass it with my vinyl. fuck. my desk is full of papers again: this symptom is representative of my ability and failings to procrastinate all the clutter to one spot of my life. hey, it fits well, so i just go with it. i don't want to do shit.

jealous dogs

My belly is getting bigger and bigger as the days pass by, i'm still working at my 'job' as if everything is the same as it ever was, going in as the sun coming up and leaving as the sun is starting to think about going back down behind the horizon. i'm so in love with my little family, and we are all very excited about the new little baby boy about to be added to the mix, although, i am sure, the little dog will be jealous.

pregnant

the Latin kings will come and rule your world. The world series is on the TV tonight. I am pregnant.

although i knew the true nature of a certain person's intentions, it became all the more greatly apparent with the happenings of life that have unfolded in the last few days. I've always knew that there are people in this world who are just mean. Sometimes this is due to not dealing well with all of childhood's ups and downs, sometimes this is due to not dealing well with all of adulthood's ups and downs, sometimes it's for other reasons, but whatever the deal, it still doesn't necessarily make it right, and it still doesn't make it completely wrong. it's just how it is. for whatever reason, there are people in this world who just hate themselves or the circumstances they have surrounded themselves with, and they are so fucked in the head that they feel they have to bring other people down. they love to see people suffer, manipulate others emotionally to get the results they want for their own personal gain, and step on others to make their way to the top of whatever shit mountain they have decided is the top of the game they want to play. when she gets to the top, all that's going to be there is herself, the person she hates the most. insanely jealous of others' happiness, truly unhappy with herself and how incredibly ugly her real self is. and maybe this will be the only time she will be able to see herself, when she is alone completely, with no one to bring down or manipulate, maybe she will learn to bring herself up without the faculty of bringing others down so she can feel good. But, most very likely, since she has been this way for as long as EVERYBODY can remember, she won't change. But, hopefully, she'll just take to screaming uncontrollably and pull all of her fake-ass hair out from her head, scratch little marks all over her face, bust some of those teeth out, and rip those expensive money clothes from her ugly ass. oh, but there i go, just rambling about things that will eventually happen, given the certainty of karma and the way it finds itself into everything that exists on this crazy planet. i used to feel sorry for this certain individual, given the facts that she had a shaky up-bringing, but then, i came to realize that she was manipulating me in to thinking that way in the first place. sure, she might have had a fucked up childhood, but really, everybody has a rough way way to go- that's just how it is- but making other people feel sorry for you, or making people do things for you because you made them worry about you, this is wrong, and the bitch knows it, even though she might try to justify her actions in her own head , convincing herself that she really is a good person and that she really deserves special treatment so she will just have to manipulate others in to treating her like the ultimate COOL queen she really really reaaalllly is. (LOL... wants to be.)
Well, she'll grow old and more alone, burning all bridges and growing progressively more ugly as the evil witch comes seeping out of her pores as she ages, her true, hideous self , completely out for all the world to see and know that that is what becomes of people who step on others to make themselves happy.

Austin Texas

"So, what are you in to? Well, I like skinny skiing, going to bull fights on acid... And what do you enjoy?"
This movie I am watching out of the corner of my eye whilst I hop around the internet looking for sweet spring roll type recipes:
~wow, it's funny. Bill Murray plays a spacey golf course gopher exterminator, and during the movie, a little side note appeared in the bottom ticker line, "There were no lines written for Bill Murray's character. All the acting seen here is improvised." That, is awesome, because he is the funniest character in the whole movie.
~And now the kitten is pathetically sweetly mewing outside the big wooden doors, it's a dreadfully cold and windy night outside against the big doors he so wishes to enter through, but alas, he cannot get inside to the luxurious warm where the beautiful woman is being betrayed by the man in a turban. The sand is beating against the doors fast, and his little mews are drown out by the sands' crashing intensity...
~His DNA matches that which was found at the crime scene.... and we also find that an innocent man was sitting behind bars, 25 years after the crime was committed, and now, 25 years after the crime was committed, the innocent man was sent free.
~Friends with benefits. Rated R.
~I trust. NO one.
~Asking everyday drivers to shoot straight with us about the all new 2012 Hyandai Sonata.
~Now she can spend more times with patients and less time doing paper work, Thank You Dell! You are AMAZING! Save more for your child's college fund! AMAZING!
The random things spitting out of the idiot box, it just keeps coming, keeps coming, keeps coming. My little girl has been under the weather the last few days and we've been laying around watching a lot of television. It is an endless plea to spend money for any possible thing thought up by some person in a far, far, away land... probably known as California. Maybe known as my back yard last Tuesday at five PM. Who knows really, we can only know that it is definitely not from Tallahassee, Florida. And not Austin Texas. And not Detroit, Michigan. I like that place. Not so much the other two before mentioned, though.

the idiot neighbor. i tried to warn the landlord but to no avail

this weather is weird, and is made even more extreme by the yard full of dark and rich dirt clumps of mud which surround my house, trapping my daughter and i inside to stay away from the obnoxious neighbor who created the horrible mess. Apparently, he convinced the property owner that the perfect yard needed to be transformed into an amazing yard. In the process, he ripped a perfectly great tree out of the ground, (he said it was dead) destroyed part of a hundred-year-old stone wall that encompasses the property, and got mud, sticks, and mayhem all over the damm place. It seems that this will be fucking up our outside play-times for many more months to come. And to top it all off, this guy is the most obnoxious idiot I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. He is one of those people who have a lot to say, but do not ever listen to what others have to say; and why would he anyway- he is always right, especially in the case involving any women, myself definitely included. Most unfortunately, i tried to warn the property owner of this guy's idiotic and stupid behaviors, and i tried to inform him that his beautiful yard was being completely obliterated, but the property owner also sometimes suffers from the ailment of not paying any valuable attention to the females of our our species, and he was not apparently feeling that well when i tried to inform him of what was being done to his yard. I had called him, and told him about how fucked up the yard looked, but he said that it was all under control, that the guy who was doing this was doing it right and that the yard would only be VERY temporarily out of commission; in order for the yard to be transformed into an amazing yard, it would have to be a little messy for a few days. I am not sure what was said to the landlord, or how it was said, in order to convince him that a bobcat needed to be rented to just dig out a small walkway, but nonetheless he was convinced, and the idiot was made able to majorly fuck up our beautiful yard. We will not be able to play any kind of whiffle ball this summer, or grill out, or plant flowers in the flower bed he destroyed. It sucks. But fortunately we do live right down the street from a nice sized park, with a perfect field for playing our whiffle ball within. I love taking Azyah down there to hit the whiffle balls, and scooter loves to chase after them in the field as well.
The idiot neighbor of mine has been at least quiet ever since the landlord got back in to town and saw the devastation; the landlord yelled at the idiot pretty well and fired him from the job of fucking up the yard. Consequently, the idiot neighbor has taken to drinking his cheap bottles of wine in his house and not in the front yard. He was getting progressively bad, annoying the shit out of all our pretty female neighbors- we have lots- and also annoying my daughter by not simply letting her play in her yard in peace. We still have the picnic table out there, he didn't destroy that thankfully, but if we want to use it when we eat dinner, we will have to take our shoes off whenever we get back to our house because they will be caked up to our ankles in rich, dark and beautiful, Ohio valley mud.
We have a little section of nice earth right next to our porch, and i have purchased a few bags of nice potting soil to plant some stuff i love: Butterfly Bushes and Russian Sage plants... i love the way they smell so much! so much indeed, my daughter's middle name is Sage!! Plus, all i need to get the job done is a little shovel, no BOBcat machine is necessary. i might just use a soup spoon instead of buying one from the hardware store, and i'm not going to try and get money off of my rent, i'm going to leave the poor landlord alone since he is already dealing with the incredible mess that has been made of the yard. I already have a job, so I don't need to convince him that the world will end if he doesn't pay me to fuck up the yard, and anyway, that job was already taken by the idiot neighbor. At least our little corner of the known yard universe will be buzzing with butterflies and bees, pleasantly existing without the aid of loud and annoying machines.