round treasures and music

i love records. and i think i am going to go seek some new ones out today. treasure hunting is a favorite pastime, mainly because it is not JUST a way to pass the time, it is a way to make the most out of what time i have. wow, just don't know what life would be without round treasures and music. it certainly would not be a life i would be an active part of.

why i carry bobby pins in my pocket.

it's just funny.

the only thing that is constant in this world is change, the only thing that will always be here is change. yet, us silly humans being here and now are stressed out by the fact that change happens, like when we start a new job, meet someone new, try a different method, it usually makes us a little jittery. it can be a good jittery, or a bad jittery, this depends on how well the person can roll with it, this weird thing we call change.

and well, since change is the only thing that is always here, one would think that we would be used to it by now, but no, usually the silly humans being here get nervous. why do we torture ourselves? why can't we just get used to the fact that nothing is permanent or secure? why can't we realize that life is a big change happening at all angles and perspectives and levels at all times, forever? hey, i sure don't know, that's for sure. and i am definitely one of those silly humans i was talking about. i like to be comfortable, warm and fuzzy shoes with socks in the middle i have been wearing for days. three day old sock comfort, now that's WEAR it's at. (pun intended)

so, maybe to be the best person we can possibly be though, maybe we should strive to embrace change, to get better at rolling with the flow, to aim at being alert at all angles at all times: to be prepared for just about anything that comes our way. life is always going to change. John Lennon said in his great song, Beautiful Boy, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." yet, i don't think that there is an advantage to not making some sort of plan with your life or time, but there is an advantage to having back-up plans, or maybe not being so discouraged when everything you have planned does not pan out as exactly as previously envisioned.

we can predict the wind, but we cannot change it, and we should try not to get too pissed off when it blows our hair out of place. that's why i carry bobby pins in my pocket.

one day a while ago i visited an abandoned house, well, it had burned the down many years ago. of course, it did not have any inhabitants. the steps leading up were most weird, scattered with items used for living. sort of.
a really cool looking porch at one time, the vines all tangled up and around, looks like it was a cool place to smoke a doobie or sip a drink while relaxin with friends, grillin out, making some thing tasty and odoriferous...

the porch led off from the kitchen, which was the most depressing thing i came across on the exploration. cans and boxes of food left out, like it all happened so suddenly, whatever IT in fact was.

coffee

it's wonderful thing that is best enjoyed with company worth and loved to be around. good things and ideas sprout up almost instantaneously.

hippies are tall.

..... but alas, it is in fact him, and yes, I made some bad decisions, ingested many a weird and questionable substance, and forgot to brush my hair for a few years. Well, i had been forgetting the brush since new year's eve 1998-99, but that is beside the Real point: I am extremely thankful I have made it this far. Some words that come to mind when I try to describe how I made it through, or better yet, words that help say what I am today that has allowed my lucky ass to make it this far:
Healthy- bad health is not an option. We are in control of what and how we feel.
Crazy- I do not understand why a person would not want to go through life without laughing at anything possible or breaking out into the chorus of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' while waiting in the checkout line at K-Mart. But I was talking to this one guy at a coffee shop in Cincinnati and he said K-Mart sucks, but he buys all his white Haynes his way undies there. won't go anywhere else. But really, Laughter is indeed the best medicine and helps the whole 'Healthy' thing be around in full effect. The two go hand in hand. Health means a happy soul and body.
Questionable- Dude. don't take some one's words for anything. we all know this. but what i do is take the person's word, put it in a little file in back, take it out later and go over it with other people, or research it while i am sitting on the pot, driving, or walking to get change for the laundry. We all don't know the whole truth, just little pieces. We must all work together if we are going to get anywhere. it's not going to be easy, but it will be fun to figure out who knows what, and how they know this and that, why they don't know something else.
Three- everything is numbers. everything can graphed in some way. everything is fractals. and fractals are fucking amazing. life is beautiful and and i am in awe every single day. every day i have a thought about how incredible it all is and the way it all works out is perfect, everything is as it should be at all times, and everything is now and forever and was.
Creative- macgyver. or ninja, however you want to say it.
Bike- riding a bike is one of my most bestest most favorite things to do and it has been since i was a very little girl. the sensation of a fast heart beat while floating through the lovely space..... the pedals moving.... the chain making the tink tink tin k... my eyes are watering, and i turn my head to hear the more still wind as i cut through, a stark contrast to the loud air whistle when my head was looking straight ahead... love it. Living without a bike is not an option i take.
Thelonious Sphere Monk- from a journal entry i wrote for an english class a few years ago:

21 September 2005
Spherical Sense
It all happens very quickly, so I will try to explain, it only happens for a blink. So very suddenly I feel the serenity of the water in front of me while the wind blows through my head, I feel alive, like a sting on my tongue, I feel a rush through my veins, and I start to fly. I smile too big for my head with my eyes rolling back all the way to the first time I heard this unforgettable, so sweet and lovely. I have heard a beautiful song, and my mind gets prickly as a certain phrase is played, blushing. I feel blessed, to say the least, and smarter for having heard it the way I did.
At that specific point when I scientifically listen to the way a song is constructed- to be conscious of what each person is contributing and experience the way they weave it together and what they are saying to their audience- is a religious acquaintance. As I listen to a live recording of Thelonious Monk and company with audience coughs and hums in the background noise my eyes are intoxicated. If power is the ability to make change, then his musical note choices have caused me to listen more carefully than I did before, and I regret that I cannot physically shake his hand today and say thanks for the help. He is dead, but he is influencing change in the present and not just the past; musicians today are still carrying on what he helped start in New York. I hope I can be proficient enough artistically one day to do the same.

Short- i love being my height of four feet, eleven inches and three fourths of an inch. not quite five feet tall. this has helped me get into many concerts for free. hippies are tall.

The Tripper.

It is a movie with Ronald Reagan killing hippies. metaphor. i like metaphor.
In fact, i can go as far as saying that i love metaphor. yummy.

another wun

so i have been having my head stuck up in or around this cute little book of poetry and lectures by a really interesting and sometimes hard to understand guy, he's been dead for a while, shit, i don't know when he actually died. i will have to look that up in a few.

his name is e e cummings. somebody actually told me that he changed his legal name to e e cummings, all lower case letters.

his writings almost always have punctuation placed in spots that some, well most, people find to be weird, like he will put a ( at the beginning of a sentence, with no other ) afterwards. it's like he is trying to write something else than just words, well of course, but his poems speak so rightly, just as i would say whatever he is talking about, he put it in a way that my head actually thinks to itself about the subject, idea, whatever... hard to explain. there are a lot of things about him that are absolutely hard to understand and explain. my head likes him though. a lot.
(there i go again, talking about my head as if it were a seperate entity.) space, the final fronteir.
my frontal lobe. the final frontal lobe. heh heh hehe

okay, so back to this book of e e cumings. he gave some lectures at Harvard in 1952-53, six in all. they were about him, how he found himself as a person, how he came to be an artist and a writer, how an artist=writer. the amazingness of humanity, the greatness of imagination and love and life and alive. in each lecture, the first 45 minutes were about him and his life, but the last part of the lecture, he would read poems from other artists that had an impact on himself or other people he loved. for example, at the end of his first lecture, he read a poem his mother kept copied down in a littel spiral bound notebook she kept with her at all times.

there was one piece he read though, at the end of the sixth lecture that was just absolutely amazing, i had to read over it more than a few times. such a beautiful selection. it is the last three stanzas of Percy Bysshe Shelley's Prometheus Unbound, Act IV. chk it out...

This is the day, which down the void abysm
At the Earth-born's spell yawns for Heaven's despotism.
And Conquest is dragged captive through the deep:
Love, from its awful throne of patient power
In the wise heart, from the last giddy hour
Of dread endurance, from the slippery, steep,
And narrow verge of crag-like agony, springs
And folds over the world its healing wings.

Gentleness, Virtue, Wisdom, and Endurance,
These are the seals of that most firm assurance
Which bars the pit over Destruction's strength;
And if, with infirm hand, Eternity,
Mother of many acts and hours, should free
The serpent that would clasp her with his length;
These are the spells by which to reassume
An empire o'er the disentangled doom.

To suffer woes which Hope thinks infinite;
To forgive wrongs darker than death or night;
To defy Power, which seems omnipotent;
To love, and bear; to hope till Hope creates
From its own wreck the thing it contemplates;
Neither to change, nor falter, nor repent;
This, like thy glory, Titan, is to be
Good, great and joyous, beautiful and free;
This is alone Life, Joy, Empire, and Victory.

yes yes yes. man, powerful lines, and i like the flows of it all on top of that.

and he said/wrote something else in his fourth lecture that really caught my eyes, this he actually wrote himself...

"you and i are not snobs. We can never be born enough. We are
human beings;for whom birth is a supremely welcome mystery,the
mystery of growing:the mystery which happens only and whenever
we are faithful to ourselves . . . Life,for eternal us,is now . . ."