coffee is good and so is the sky with pollution rainbows.

typing taps away at my insanity, slowly breaking it down to a normal level of what-ever-ness... whatever THAT is...
i went to my old place of employment today, it took all my possible strength to not yell out how much of azyah and andrea's life they have completely fucked up, but a lower voice of mine instead was spoken to a few familiar faces, and i was thankful to control my anger to a point of just letting my hands shake. i let a few people know that the place they work for denied my un-employment three times now. still, i will try again and a-fucking-again...
sometimes when i am pissed off i get loud and let others know whether they care or not, just like i am typing here, if you the Other Reader do indeed exist. but on this place, really, this is for me and if you care to read my bloggings, i invite you to do so. this whole typing thing i think is helping my brain get better and better. at least i like to think so. maybe a few comments from people... do you have any questions about what it's like to have amnesia? i could answer them for you. Sure, you could look it all up on wikipedia, and i have looked there as well to find out what is going on with my head, but to hear it told from my first hand seems to be interesting to other people, and i like to talk to people about it. i have noticed sometimes that other people haven't really thought about what it might be like to not know what day of the week it is, and to not know how to get to the grocery store they have been going to every other day for years. it is so weird to have the directions written down to my daughter's school in my car so i don't get lost. my memory gets better for a few days, then it seems to relapse a little bit, then a little better, and so forth. i have had my room-mate in the car with me in the mornings so i don't need to reference my directions too much... still, i wonder how much i would need to if he wasn't there. everything just seems so fuzzy temporary. i guess it all really was and will be and is forever; i just needed a major head injury to smack my ass back into knowledge of it, and to learn how to live with the philosophy of 'going with the flow.' it makes it easier to go with it if you got to really look all the time and not take anything for granted, like knowing the date (it's always today) or the time (it's always now) or who i am (i'm always being me) or why (it just IS)

whatever the name for whatever kind of whatever philosophizing i have just written here, i do not know, it's just how i feel and how i perceive things right now. i still look through the lens of being a head injury victim, although my friends tell me all the time of how much better my head is getting. i know i am different though. and i also know there are certain things i used to be able to recall easily and now have a hard time. this is so weird, it's like my whole personality and identity has changed in just one day. but well, that could happen to anybody on any given day, anything can happen, and the happenings don't even have to be injuries... they could be good things... and there have been great things in my life as well these past weeks, blessings and good vibes and laughter echoes...
been writing and creating lots. and if you who are reading this would like to purchase, now is the best time, as i am broke and gots deals on my stuff!
been eating a few chill pills today.
coffee is good and so is the sky with pollution rainbows.