by chance, a few funny things happened to me the other day and today....
so, the boyfriend broke up with me the other day. apparently, i was expected to come over to his house since it was my day off. however, i was not aware of this, i had already planned to go out and take care of things i needed to take care of, since it was my time off. my daughter was with her grandma for the weekend, i didn't have to work, it was a perfect time to get all that shopping done i had been putting off for weeks, grocery store, visit some friends, chill at the coffee shop.... normal shit i do while the babe is with grandma. yea, i was not aware i had been assigned the duty of pleasing the boyfriend...
some things to note:
the boyfriend had recently told me that he needed to concentrate on himself and getting his life in order, more organized, concentrate on alleviating some stresses that are apparent in his life. hence: he had quit drinking, and felt it neccessary to go to alcoholics anonomous meetings, sometimes multiple meetings in a day's time. (?) he said he still wanted to be together with me, but could not make any promises, could not be expected of anything while he was doing this initial A.A. thing. i said that was fine, i understood what he was doing, i have gone through the same sort of thing thing myself, and during that period i took a lot of time to myself, friends got a little ticked off at me not calling them back, BUT, they understood...
so, back to this: the boyfriend calls on this particular saturday. he asks me what i am going to be doing that day. he then asks me if i was going to grace him with my prescence some time during the day... i list all the things i had planned, the errands, the big piece of art i have been working on... i mention that i was not in fact going to come over to his place, i had a lot of things to do, plus, i had not had time to myself in long while. my daughter only goes to see her grandma every two weekends, and on these weekends, i like to make sure i create art, relax, catch up with being ME, not doing the whole mommie thing. by observing this rule, i have found myself to not go crazy, and i also find i am better at being a mother for my daughter.
well, i tell him i will call him later, we hang up a little bit on the abrupt side.... but i was thinking to myself, "oh well, i have to do what i have to do, i don't have time to go over there today." i knew he wanted me to come over, but there was nothing i could do about it....
a few minutes transpire.
my phone rings, it is indeed the boyfriend again, saying something like, "well, i just wanted to tell you that this is probably the last time i will call you, it seems like you don't want to hang out with me today, blah blah blah, we aren't on the same page anymore lately, blah blah blah, so i don't think we should see each other anymore, really wanted you to come over today, you were supposed to call me last night, you didn't, instead you went out, (which i did, but i would have called him... if i remembered my phone when i left the dang house, in my defense)
so, he broke up with me... and ending the call i said, exact words here, "Well, have fun with yourself, goodbye." and that was that. the end, i didn't care at this point. why should i? really, to be with someone who has expectations of what you are supposed to do to him and with him, when he was the one who made the change to the relationship: one where i could not expect anything from him during this A.A. thing he was doing... and i agreed, and i didn't think i needed to say that there would be no expectations placed upon me, but i guess i should of.
well, i thought he was smarter than that!
~here, another innuendo... a few days before this event above, i went and picked him up from an A.A. meeting, we all went out to eat at a mexican restaurant, i had my daughter with me. (Moe's... don't eat there, it really sucks)
~i thought he was going to come and stay at my house with me that night, but he didn't want to stay at my house, he wanted to stay at his house. yes, i would have loved to sleep next to him, so warm and cuddly, greatness, but i only wanted to do so if he wanted to stay at my place. remember, i had my daughter, and i don't like to wake up in the morning and rush from his house to her school, then to my house in the morning... i had to work the next day. it makes sense to stay at my place, so i thought, since he didn't have his kids. i told him, "yes, i would love you to stay at my place, but i only want you to if you want to." and he replied, "no, i don't want to." so, i left, that was that, it is what it is....
SO.... after this guy breaks up with me, i receive a text message from him later on that night.... and the conversation goes like this, word for word....
HIM: I can't believe you gave no opposition, and have not called. That shows me you don't really give a shit. Goodnight and good bye.
ME: Well why should i care when you can't handle it when i want to have Me time. and, you had expectation when i had none. it was all about you having space and time.
HIM: All I wanted was some comfort from someone who said they loved me. That does not mean i needed you to stay. And i got the cold shoulder instead.
ME: You never said that. and i had stuff i needed to do for me. You just assumed i would come over on my day off. Like i didn't need to do things for me.
HIM: I guess we just are not on the same page anymore. And for some reason the past two days when we have spoken i did not feel the same connection we had. But i guess that's my problem, huh.
ME: Well that is because you are not being honest with me.
HIM: Honest with you? What are you talking about?
My phone rings... guess who it is.... i press the ignore button,
then i text him back, "Busy right now." I will not go into exactly what the dishonest thing was about, it involves other people, and i don't want to bring them into my post...
HIM: I am going to sleep now sorry i bothered you.
Then, today, i recieve another text message from HIM:
You got enough time to tell me why you think i've been dishonest or are you still consumed with yourself?
consumed with yourself? now that is some funny shit!
ME: No, still busy doing art.
HIM: Figures. Well if you find the time.....
hmmm... although this communication is in the format of electronic printed text message, i still find the writing above here to contain a little bit of sarcasm/pressimistic/shitty taint... ha, even now, as i am writing it over and staring at it in front of me on a flat computer screen. weird...
but what is even more weird is the fact that he breaks up with me, tells me he won't call me anymore, yet continuousy calls and texts me after he says so. he was expecting me to put up a fight, the aformentioned 'opposition,' but i wil not fight to stay with someone who does not want to be with me. who the fuck does this guy think he is, Johnny Depp? a great chef? a jazz musician? our realtionship changed after he joined the A.A. cult and social club, i guess having a bunch of drunks tell you how great you are will really make you think your shit doesn't stink.
whatever.
yea, i don't call myself perfect by any standard except the way i cook my potaoes, they are always perfection and greatness, but i deserve to be treated better than this. i will not fight to be with someone who does not want to be with me and treat me like the amazing chick i indeed am. plus, i almost love nothing more than to be good to someone who truly is deserving. may life bless me with this person! and hey, if it doesn't i don't really care, there is nothing that i can do about it right? i will still be ME and do the things i do with love! i don't have time to exist and be bitter! that would make life suck ass!
love, andRom
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
LMAO! Well then. He was pretty confused, huh? What an ass.
Post a Comment