yea.

Duke has managed to get all my money. rent is going to be another story. at least i will be able to have a hot shower and write more of these stupid little blogs.

jalapeno ) totally worth it though

i hurt my hands while playing with jalapenos and knives. they are going to be burning for days, but the soup turned out spectacularly, as good as soups are able to turn out. no recipe was used, except for the faith of all good veggies in boiling water will produce something of good taste. salt and pepper can come and hang out too, but next time i am going to wear some gloves. this will be burning for a few days. totally worth it though.

imaginative retrospection, collage of our conversation, homestead choreographer: we should do this everyday.

silver lining

Child abuse, but i'm not one to judge. lets go smoke a joint, sir. hell yes dude, quality! our conversations, you could put these things on tape. fathead, above scott, he wouldn't talk to us for a week internet rhinestone dildo. suction cups. super glue. sperm whale, he won't notice, he's a lawyer, valet parking so and so. this has been a plan for a while, make a whole big yard ornament. Black rhinestone dildo. Back yard? over, fucking sideways, buy a new set next year. sufficient? our yard tomorrow. he says he can. something like that. mortgage, utilities, third, left, whatever. pool, that's his only condition, in the jaw. i'm not living with *****, horses are bad room-mates. I wish there was a rewind button. Doin this? Avondale, couple of exits down, three car garage, part owner? Pay this much. combined credit scores. he's come a lot further than me, but still, fuck it. we'll see, that's the thing we haven't talked about yet. this is the thing, i can't do anything unless you sign on it to, three years. Are you committed to your man? Investment. eight months. pick up a house, 500,000, 300,000 dollars, that would be a significant investment. 401K? First time home buyer, up to three thousand, not penalized for it. certain things. mine's good. The last four years, 3 to 5 percent a year, whoa! Different person than me. Big house, status. who you are... Tyler Durden. Your status symbol, that's fucking bullshit.

Necessity, well, looking at an investment, care about just to fucking 50,000 more than lock myself into something that would destroy me, get nothing off me, store. Toys- take you, alright, ain't fair. Loot dude, tell me, shit without me. Saturdays. Christmas. Turret's for christmas. BITCH BIG LEG TITTIES. Wesley Willis, sight to see. same shit, abilifide, r-tane. hate that shit- Zion takes. Sit there, like.... sleep. FRONT ROOM HAMMOND B-3. So freaky about it. he would love it if you did, actually, kitchen or his bedroom, new movie, Eastwood. Preview, gangs... the word movie just started yea, do not know that name, did Vego Morrison, McCarthy, promises, I want to see a spirit. Mortenson. Ain't seen it. Stars, Encore, always have some bullshit excellent adventure, die hard three, die hard again and again and Rambo will you at it fucking die for good for real this time Peter Griffin gots a mustache hey Tracy fuck you'll see. Talk about that city down the hill of hell our own district a DICK-taster-ship that's awesome. Can I bring secretary, toll booth willie game stop bouncer executioner? Keanu Reeves... aw, i understand, except that one, twenty questions talks about all his movies ten stuntmen pointbreak before that one was cool too. god love it, Tia's favorite movie, third one was fucking shit. Story line i don't know what they were thinking about a million dollars one left, which is...
Hell is the mid-life crisis bag lady.
Next year. Fucked up first five books gross of all times.
Fantasy novels, came at the right time religious people, okay?
buyin the last book. I was thinkin eighteen million mega lion biggest fuckin cat that ever lived, except i'd be fifteen feet twelve inch claws long run out of meat. Article today, Mariemont, Montgomery, don't have anywhere to go, full of snakes, department of Steve Irwin and shit, infestation. Keep them for a while, terrified of them, he's screaming. One thing he hates. I will fucking kill you I can't stand, as long as not really huge, can handle it.
Reptiles? David Icke, heard of him too. Bush is a reptile, straight lizard- camilion. saw two Iraqi shoes silver lining black president, never thought about it like that it was like the matrix. Maybe it was set up. He's probably dodges a lot of stuff more than welcome.

imaginative retrospection
collage of our conversation
homestead choreographer:
we should do this everyday

!

heater on my feet and lower legs makes me smile lots. the return of my estranged room mate is going to be fun. i am not making any dinner tonight. it's not too cold outside right now. i am going to go listen to a record. hellls yeauh!

this one's by me, no title to this one...

circles unseen and yet so apparent:
only when traveled upon again does realization visit.
footsteps in the grass past fit my feet well,
i'll just keep on asking the question.

think.

the song 'sealegs,' written by James Mercer, the Shins.... awesome. especially this time of year. makes me. think.

and it's still friday, i can't believe it. so much has happened since the last time i wrote on this. azyah fell asleep so long ago.

again.

getting UP early to get work DONE with early is quite nice, and it also helps that i do not require too many hours of sleep at night to function effectively in the day. I like this, i think i can chill with this job for a LONG minute. also, weekends off to effectively tend to my love for whiskey while being loud and obnoxious. sweet. now i just have to figure out how to take care of the energy bill without giving them all my whiskey money.
this thing i call my blog, it comes in handy since i have not been able to recall what day it is for weeks and weeks. sweetness. again.

the carpet is slippery and i am a klutz.

so, i am trying to type something of value in here everyday, well, at least when i remember to. this is one of the days i remembered to do so.
azyah's holiday show is today after she gets out of school, it should really be a lot of fun. the snow is piling up inch after inch, and the kids will be singing about snow and reindeer while they use the puppets they have made. i can't wait, and i have a camera to make sure i get at least a few pictures. it only holds about three since i don't have a memory card for the little slot thing on the side, but that's okay, at least i will be able to get at least a few.
the snow.
it's really coming down out there.
i like it,
but i hate to sled. too many stubbed and numb toes, too many sticks in the eye, the wind is cold and punishing. it's nice to look at from the yellow chair in my living room while hot bean soup is cooking on the stove all day long.
maybe i just need to purchase some more long sleeved shirts and warm pants. maybe i just need to have a proper coat. but then, with all this global warming going on more intensely as the years go by, maybe the act of buying more warm clothes would be a bad economic act. well, i can always just pile on three shirts with two scarves and double up my socks at all times, and keep my belly full of hot green tea and bread. it's been working for me so far this winter. i can still feel my toes, but i still can't feel them when i fall up the steps, which is about everyday in this house. the carpet is slippery and i am a klutz.

afternoon

getting up at 2:30 rocks. as long as it's in the afternoon.

I will go and type it now in my little blogger.com website.

So yes,
this gathering of words just popped up into my head, a voiceful forced singing, reedy tonation, "What ever you do take care of your shoes." Memories of smiles floating all around me, a blur of beautifully spectrumed lights hitting all aspects of my vision, intensified greatly by the chemicals- but mostly, by just being there at that moment, with everybody else, such a lovely fucked up mess and tangle of people, all there for basically the same thing- to have fun and to be a part of something closer to the level of freedom they all desire deep down, to be a part of a community of people all having a good time- smiles smiles smiles. Dreadlocks, phat veggie burritos and quesadillas, Sammy Smith Tadcasters, lost shoes, parties by the car. Lovely chance happenings, Serendipity more apparent and definitely more often than found in the predictable normality of everyday life-
So yes, why not, let's do THIS everyday? Yes... 'Work like you don't need the money, love like you never been hurt, DANCE like nobody is watching...' because, really the only one that matters when you perform such a lovely and sacred ritual such as dancing, it's really all about You. YOU getting IN to a state of being and feeling higher than was before, and realizing the ability and capacity to do this at all times in your life everyday. Dance can be done while cooking, writing, drawing, driving, dishes, working- to TRY to be in contact and to also ALWAYS be in contact with that which is beautiful and amazing, ONE with the energy we are all a part of. Which yes, this is always really the case, but to strive to be more aware of the connection and have grace to float around in the world with happiness and fluidity... Conscious of the other planets and worlds which exist out of our eye's sight but in plain view of the mind's eyesight. Everything works out and always will be- knowing this fact is the key to a stress free and healthy state of mind i have come to find out. And, as for those things that we honestly have no doubt about, that which we truly know within ourselves, will manifest and BE. Manifestation of goodness- goodness- my hand hurts from all this lovely writing. I will go and type it now in my little blogger.com website.

an even bigger one than i am.

i have quit my job at the corporate place of coffee and hell and leaped over to greener pastures. hopefully my glasses aren't just being green and that shit really is nice to smell. getting fooled can be a bitch. an even bigger one than i am.

(for the mostly part.)

Participating in spontaneous raucous, trading drinks for happy pieces of paper, hanging out in new places with different people, cheering up a little sick girl, getting lost while trying to get to the west side of town and finding cool hills although, stinking up the car with herbal Tea, forgetting my glasses in the morning with a smile, and now i am going to guitar center to chill with nice guitars for a minute... good times. and i still have another and many more days ahead of me. wow, what a great way to spend the time and i still get to pay the rent on time. winter is being cool this year so far. (for the mostly part.)

my very extended lunch break is over now, but maybe not for too long...

Submerging myself back into the world of a huge multi-million dollar corporation wind tunnel, ideas and ways of thinking thrown at me while being expected to retain most of what is being fed... Although, the general overview of my feelings portraying my mind and thought processes is not too foreboding in any major way at least- but still, as i mentioned before, to become a facet in a huge corporation, to be immersed in its so called 'culture,' this is a tripped out thing. We are all wearing the same thing basically with small deviations and liberties allowed on our parts- and of course, my tattoos are covered... the real me is under my sleeves and glasses...

And Wow, the word 'corporate culture' and the many ways my mind wanders when looked upon that two worded statement- for yes, it is indeed a statement and not just an adjective preceding a noun- the corporation of any kind of culture indeed- to brand a feeling and an idea of the things we experience in independent businesses: more of an individuality, yet community, yet one-of-a-kind lovely and good tasting products and services... this is something to be thought about: The corporatization of a culture that thrives on individuality and community. There is a certain culture found within small, independently owned coffee shops not exactly found in the Starred corporate stores of coffee (After I said that last thing, i supposed to myself to call them 'coffee stores,' 'shop' is reserved for the lovely independent business) And whatever that is, and i know what that is but have no words to describe it exactly, it has been stolen and exploited whether intentionally or unintentionally by the lady of starbucks! Yes, her coffee is great and she is way hot, but the art on her walls is SO lacking of a soul.. And although the sound track includes great artists and their music, I will not be fooled completely and will not sink into a cookie cutter corporate culture, although, this will be an interesting ride and i am sure there is much for me to learn here, since the actual job description lends itself to the easy side and allows for much 'getting to know each other' time, the people that work there are nice...

well, okay then, i must not get back to the 'job' of being involved in corporate culture...

my StarreD lunch break is over, and my very extended lunch break is over as well for now, but maybe not even both for too long...

exciting good times=cactus breeding.

So, i am trying to create something everyday. So far, it hasn't been too hard, but as for sticking to one styled thing or theme, it has been hard as hell... got lots of new sharpie ink drawings, but haven't painted in a long minute. well, i guess it keeps everything looking good. every time i go back down a road i traveled down before, it gets a little better, more scenic. i do think i need to paint an idea down i had a few weeks ago, and it's cool, i remember now, i wrote that shit down in one of my notebooks. (but i cannot recall which one.)
i finally brought my San Pedro cactus inside yesterday morning, although i waited a little bit too long this year, he is drooping from taking in too much cold water. in fact, part of him fell over. it should be fine, i am going to dip him with some natural rooting hormone and fix his broken limb up in a new pot, he'll have lots of babies once the warm spring comes. exciting good times=cactus breeding.

whole thought and piece of work

"Every Cause has its Effect; every Effect has its Cause; everything happens according to Law; Chance is but a name for Law not recognized; there are many planes of causeation, but nothing escapes the Law." -The Kybalion

When i picked this book up when i was 18, it didn't really make too much of sense to me. But i kept it, and kept reading it; at first, i was on a long greyhound bus ride in the winter snow with fellow bus riding people and babies to ignore. I read through it later on, months, and then years later, and it said different things to me as i changed in life through experiences. stilll, when i go through it, different things grab my attention. It's a weird little book, and I don't think it is meant to be read cover to cover, i think it is meant to be read in a random way, different sections in a weird order. Nothing in it is presented in a linear theme, it is meant to be taken in as a whole thought and piece of work.

again,

The Other shall be of not far away propensity of density forthwith of mind-all and mind-will, the First will be of giving light and love to the all.

this came to me while i was waking up this lovely morning. i am going to think about this and get back at it later today.

love to the all...

AND although slipping farther away from what is yesterday, i still find days full of Daze.
AND although despite all the streams of bad luck and let downs, good things keep happening that make more of an impact than the stupid little people and things: although i try not to let it all get to me too much, i am smiling a big one and i will be for daze to come. nothing has proved to be permanent in my universe, and i cannot decipher which reason why: my amnesia throw-backs, or if my life has been indeed going through change at a faster pace than usual. and it's not like i can ask someone else's trusted advice, the people i would usually be talking to have fallen off the planet or something to that effect. maybe it is the weather? maybe it is my constant asking of 'what fucking day is it?' maybe i have forgotten too many days in a row to shower? hopefully these and other burning questions will be answered in the highly anticipated days to come in the life of DRee.

using the thick, clear plastic tape that will probably fall off in about two weeks, i taped up heavy black garbage bags on my five single-paned windows up here in the bedroom, making it a cave capable of a little bit more of warmness to Enjoy. Azyah doesn't seem to mind the cold at all: she likes to put on her Sponge Bob Square Pants gloves and construct trains made out of pillows, chairs, and blankets.

well, back to it again,
The other shall be of not far away propensity of density forthwith of mind-all mind-will...

Propensity- an often intense natural inclination or preference. what a great word to be included in a part of a phrase coming to me while in a half awake-and-sleep state. It was a really cool morning, and these words, although i couldn't get a pen in time to get all of them down onto a piece of paper, were very bright and strong, repeating in different ways throughout my consciousness echoes.
mind-all mind-will... to will your mind to be mindful of all, having compassion for all in some sort of sense.
and as for 'the other' phrase, i am seeing what was the picture in my head, but i am not too clear as to what it means. there were two ways being talked about in my vision, perhaps tonight both will make themselves more apparent. Really, i just need to think about this more. Well, i probably just need to fall asleep whilst thinking about it.

i gave it away.

i have no my space. sweeet. i gave it away.

:)

getting there is not the only way to get there.

where is the luck?

wow, my fingers have been crossed for a really long time, they are starting to cramp up. where is the luck?

dammmit... ...

physical labour is sometimes the greatest thing known to me. last night was such a great time, and there was tasty wine involved as well! even better! my head feels so much better, it's a beautiful day, there's awesome coffee on the burner downstairs. sweeeet.
:especially the coffee part. the house i am oh so much in love with is getting rather cold, all those windows up top here are old, large, (beautiful) single paned shutter types, and i got five of them. Duke's going to make a fucking killing if i let them.. . .. been avoiding that one for a while now... anybody know where to get some free heat? dammmit... ...

the parking ticket or the bad day?

laundry and errand doings flashing with repetitive shivers, hitting my knuckles so hard they bruise. it's getting fucking cold outside again, i got the thick socks yearly cleaning done, more in the washer as i tap away at this plastic thing. listening to the lively mix put forth by the shuffle on my computer, it makes some good choices. weird though, it always plays polvo or sage francis or curtis mayfield or all three. no matter what. who is this ever present deciding little alien inside of my computer? i would like to meet it (him/her) and give him a xanax. yea. palindrome drugs are the best~ i hear. or maybe the kinds that make you look back are just as good, looking back is a good way to figure out what you got to stand upon. and me, being short, cannot help but falling BACK on the ground so many times throughout the day, hey, it's close. i like getting down to earth especially since i have all this extra spaciness to deal with. wow, i wonder who reads all this shit... i just tap it into the black key board.
parking tickets are not for good days. so who was first, really? the parking ticket or the bad day?

well, it always Will BE probably.

saturday is fun times, so is fridays and mondays and wednesdays. shit, it's all goodness. just thankful i'm here. excited about what the future is going to be doing. and dinner should be fun too. i am going to go and check out some sweet art... smiles smiles smiles and more smiles to be had!

such a nice day to be outside! again, fall is cool. well, it always Will BE probably.

he he he

so yea, i absolutely love a book a friend of mine got for Azyah (me) a few years ago. it's one written by Shel Silverstein, published after his death, called 'Runny Babbit.' It is so much fun to read those poems out loud, even more so than all the others Shel has written. he he he...

Runny Babbit lent to wunch
And heard the saitress way,
"We have some lovely stabbit rew
--Our Special for today."

coffee is good and so is the sky with pollution rainbows.

typing taps away at my insanity, slowly breaking it down to a normal level of what-ever-ness... whatever THAT is...
i went to my old place of employment today, it took all my possible strength to not yell out how much of azyah and andrea's life they have completely fucked up, but a lower voice of mine instead was spoken to a few familiar faces, and i was thankful to control my anger to a point of just letting my hands shake. i let a few people know that the place they work for denied my un-employment three times now. still, i will try again and a-fucking-again...
sometimes when i am pissed off i get loud and let others know whether they care or not, just like i am typing here, if you the Other Reader do indeed exist. but on this place, really, this is for me and if you care to read my bloggings, i invite you to do so. this whole typing thing i think is helping my brain get better and better. at least i like to think so. maybe a few comments from people... do you have any questions about what it's like to have amnesia? i could answer them for you. Sure, you could look it all up on wikipedia, and i have looked there as well to find out what is going on with my head, but to hear it told from my first hand seems to be interesting to other people, and i like to talk to people about it. i have noticed sometimes that other people haven't really thought about what it might be like to not know what day of the week it is, and to not know how to get to the grocery store they have been going to every other day for years. it is so weird to have the directions written down to my daughter's school in my car so i don't get lost. my memory gets better for a few days, then it seems to relapse a little bit, then a little better, and so forth. i have had my room-mate in the car with me in the mornings so i don't need to reference my directions too much... still, i wonder how much i would need to if he wasn't there. everything just seems so fuzzy temporary. i guess it all really was and will be and is forever; i just needed a major head injury to smack my ass back into knowledge of it, and to learn how to live with the philosophy of 'going with the flow.' it makes it easier to go with it if you got to really look all the time and not take anything for granted, like knowing the date (it's always today) or the time (it's always now) or who i am (i'm always being me) or why (it just IS)

whatever the name for whatever kind of whatever philosophizing i have just written here, i do not know, it's just how i feel and how i perceive things right now. i still look through the lens of being a head injury victim, although my friends tell me all the time of how much better my head is getting. i know i am different though. and i also know there are certain things i used to be able to recall easily and now have a hard time. this is so weird, it's like my whole personality and identity has changed in just one day. but well, that could happen to anybody on any given day, anything can happen, and the happenings don't even have to be injuries... they could be good things... and there have been great things in my life as well these past weeks, blessings and good vibes and laughter echoes...
been writing and creating lots. and if you who are reading this would like to purchase, now is the best time, as i am broke and gots deals on my stuff!
been eating a few chill pills today.
coffee is good and so is the sky with pollution rainbows.

Spring sucks in the Fall.

plaid little girl pants, rumpled up shirts. purple-blue bins and accidental coffee stains. red cat hair rug. one of my crazy songs playing in the back of my head, looping over and over, wow, this Pabst is really doing the trick. now if only i can pull just One more out of my sleeve, all would be bright and sunny in the world of 322B Mulberry Street. alas, my magician abilities seem to have been lost. maybe it's just the shirt i am wearing: true, it does not have sleeves to pull AMAZING out of. well, i guess Fall weather is coming up soon. I keep on thinking it'll all fall into place, and get fooled lots to thinking it is indeed progressing that direction, but something else happens to just bring me back around to where i came from. Spring sucks in the Fall.

things i do not know

i am trying everything i know to get it done. guess there are things that i do not know... this is so hard...

all this

listening to crickets on my computer is not a replacement for the real thing. the spider in the hallway has advanced to better pastures and left behind her precious egg sack, i cannot wait for it to hatch.... azyah is playing as usual. and as usual, i am wondering what i am going to do about all this.

ahh!

Well, still, i am jobless. I have never had this hard of a time finding a decent job. yes, i could get a job at Mcdonald's or something, but it would cost me so much in gas to coordinate being there and getting azyah to school that it wouldn't be worth my time. it costs so much just to get places and pay energy bills, i just don't know what to do! ahh!

i am screwed

been looking for a job. there are none for me. my car broke down. i am screwed.

greetings, pillow

hopefully hopefully hopefully.
an interview is tomorrow.
hopefully they will want to hire me and pay me to work for them, even though i sort of bombed the typing test they sent me... oh well... darn, more time off to enjoy myself.
i am going to bed right
now


greetings, pillow

love conquers all things negative within the understandings between creatures of the universe

So, I wrote today a summary.

I am at Lunken Airport playground; Azyah is playing with another little boy. I am sitting at a green park bench. The paint is chipping off in big splotches and my eyes are wandering around. I cannot keep focus very easily, I've been up all night doing things but now that I look upon the recent night's past, nothing in particular comes to mind. (mashed potatoes)

Although, the events of the artist house spin around the most often. To be around others who create art is always a blessing, and I wish this could be an everyday occurrence for my self. I do believe this is possible through conscious influence, however, I have not been walking down that road for very long at all. Yes, this new, artistic way of thinking is only about a month old. For about two weeks before my head injury I felt unhappy and stuck, discouraged by events and people's actions all around my city, as well as the United States in general. But, I was not able to say that exact statement out loud, my head has been conditioned to keep on doing what I was doing, no matter what. Pay the bills, work as much as you can, and believe that the organization I was giving my energy to was indeed a somewhat compassionate, if not at the very least, a caring one I could feel good about giving my time towards . A financial institution set up as a non-profit in order to better serve the members and employees, to boldly go where the other banks of our present times are too shitty to go.
Well, these flirtations proved to be wrongfully understood and I feel that I was forced outside the organization because they needed to hire on lesser paid people, all under the guise that it (the firing) was indeed my fault. Oh well, it's definitely the institution's loss, and beside, I have been enjoying myself for weeks now. It has given me a chance to step back into my head and figure out just what exactly I want to accomplish with myself and for my daughter. Although, I am still unclear as to how to get to the things I want most dearly for us both. I can see what I want, but I'm not too sure as to how to get there. It's like I need a road map to somewhere I am already very acquainted with. Well, maybe that is the problem- Thinking I am acquainted with something I have never truly touched. But nonetheless, I am familiar with the desire. Maybe because of a slight taste? Or maybe none or all this is true, it's all just a way back to the way back the way I was before. But no, it can't be- there is a before, and there is a now, at the very least a different mind-set than was in place before. This I do know, if not indeed what day of the week it is, I do know that I have changed, and I also know that my old way of living was not conductive of health and well being of my soul, myself, my daughter, and my family.
In order to consciously change myself and my surroundings, I needed to forget everything I know, start from scratch, and do it differently this time around no matter what. Life is too important to be waste on not concentrating on what is important, and to take every step with undeniable love, and to boldly go where the other banks of our present times are too shitty to go. It's time to do THIS differently. We must all get together collectively and talk about a way to live together again. in peace.
Rough times are here and in the immediate future only if you let them get the better of you and your family. Keep what is the best aspect of our colorful community held high and sacred- LOVE conquers all things negative within the understandings between creatures of the universe.

my little sage in the yellow dress....

Wait a minute. no, i can't wait. i am so excited! it is fall! it is colder and everything is awesome! the nights are sweet and the days are even so much sweeter! time for stout and nut brown beers! sweaters! colorful leaves!

although, crazy it all came so fast.

time flies when you can't remember what day it is for a month or more.

Wait, no I'm not.

I still have not created the piece of art. My shoes are lost right now. The cat is on my lap. I am out of coffee. It is the first of the month. Skylights give way to the sky, and vice versa. As above, so below, I live in the sky. The top floor is where it's at, and I don't even have two turntables and a microphone, I just have one turntable. But lots of records. But not a lot of time. And miles to go with no sleep, miles to go with no sleep. Fuck it.
I am taking a break from trying to find a job in this place, this mess we all refer to as the Internet. The WEB. Spiders are cool. I almost said that I was taking a break from typing, but no, of course, that would be out of the question.
I have received many a reply back from shady companies and people trying to get me to sign up for un-reputable things and give away my (diminishing) collection greenish purple funny papers. These people suck. But, I have also gotten replies back from cool people who are trying to find me a job. These people do not suck.
May all replies be cool from now on.
I am going to take a shower. Wait, no I'm not.

purple is cool.

looking back, the circling of the world today felt like ages. so many things were done by my legs and arms, and wow, i feel like I could do even more, and i will... but right now ~IS~ sitting on my stool in front of my electrical flat screen. needed a break. but painting more tonight, i had a great idea a few days ago, thanks to great company. i cannot wait to see how it all turns out.

the painting should look cool too.

so, yea, I am thinking of purple. this will be dedicated to the number 3 and the color purple. not the book, but the real color of morning glories dripping popsickles laffy taffy cold lips far-off rainbows and too much sun in the eyes. pressing on my eyelids until it feels weird and letting go. spinning circles until i fall down on a rug, laughing until my face is stuck, and the color of head music. the color of chillin. purple is cool.

wait, voltron is okay.

turturous maze3 of internet failings, my below-par typing abilities, and too much caffeine in my bloodstream. i thought i brewed up a cup of decaf chai, but no, i most definitely did not. maybe if i sit here and type about really crappy boring stuff i can finally get to sleep. fuck the sheep.

and these are:

the color mauve

shitty eighties fold up lawn chairs

my black target flip-flops

burnt oatmeal

wal-mart signs and wal-martish smiley faces

dirty black stains on my socks

ink pens that refuse to work (especially ink pens in the recent few moments)

holes in my jeans

BUsh

voltron

Miley Cyrus

cat shit

bunyuns

ingrown nails with shiny maroon polish

well, at least it's raining. now the dog shit out back can grow more pit bulls. =)

wait, voltron is okay.

her feet gently kick some blocks and bells as she ventures to her kitchen...

pixie dust patrol.
say cheese.
mommie where did this come from? could you put this on please? you aren't going to put it on...
i am making necklace soup.

these are not jammies. mommie, these are not jammies. these in my hand are not jammies.

mom, these are not jammies, at all.

so she goes into my closet and proceeds to change into her jammies, my closet has become the changing room. she leaps out and stares at herself in front of a mirror, then grins and dashes off into her space... "mommie, i'll get there super fast."

pillows are piled upon some yellow chairs that have been around since she was born, the yellows somehow have made it through multiple moves and conditions. her feet gently kick some blocks and bells as she ventures to her kitchen...

out.

Cat is eating little troll dolls while pawing away at fairy dresses. the sun is shining through the sky lights. stuck in thoughts of water waves while tapping away at these keys, waiting for the whole job to come my way. what is going to happen tomorrow? i am running out.

these flowers in the back yard are cool.

And the real question is to figure out what day it really is and say it out loud...

I have been writing my thoughts down these last few days in an actual paper journal, and this has seemed to make me better at the whole writing thing, Plus, recent inspiration found in and around my life is making me smile lots. I am feeling great these days, now that I am used to the whole 'not exactly knowing everything that is going on at every single moment' of my crazy yet peaceful life. Been painting just about every day, making the time to read something, and organizing my surroundings into a more simplified mess, showered with beautiful organized piles of life and bowls of cereal. Paint is stuck to my fingers still whenever I leave the shower, getting better everyday at whatever it is I am trying to accomplish... The whole pinpoint of exactly what I am doing is still hazy, yet I know that all is awesome and going beautifully. The weather is greatness, my daughter loves her new school and teachers, my friends are doing well, and I have a lot of time to myself. This is the most coolness, as I did not really have too much time to myself before the JOB fired me.

Well, Azyah and I are going to the zoo with some old friends. This should be an awesome day! I am so happy!

And the real question is to figure out what day it really is and to say it out loud...

:)

this is where she plays in kid-land.

the room up here is messy with kid in all directions, books and papers and little plastic toys, game pieces, big foam letters. empty DVD cases, a digital camera that needs the batteries re-charged. hair ties. flash cards and a big pile of old shoes and boots. five big windows and two skylights keep my futon company. never mind all my too-many clothes, they like to hang out with themselves. and the stuffed animals hang out in the corner fathest away from everything. this is where she plays in kid-land.

to hang out in the dark close to the stars.

I have a day off to hang out with my azyah. we went to the park already, she rode her bike around the big pool at Eden park. in the mornings, this park is the best, the flowers are just waking up and the bugs are still sleepy. three ducks were having breakfast and we saw a bunch of squirrels running up the trees. the storm last night knocked down a bunch of trees, and the drive through mount adams was slow in parts. lots of city workers out cleaning up all the fallen limbs. azyah says the trees are hurt from the wind, but i told her that it makes it so the trees can grow even better when it gets warmer out again.

right now she is downstairs terrorizing the cat as usual, but he doesn't seem to mind. well, he doesn't seem to mind about anything, unless his food dish is empty. that is the only time he will make any noise. frankyl shoozie wickets, i still can't get over the name she gave him. it makes me want to be four again. if only there were something i could do to make my imagination visit those spots again... i will think about this today if i remember to. :)

stayed up the other night writing, and i was originally doing this to try to help my head get back to normal, but really, what is normal anyway? and why try to go back, shouldn't we always be going forward? or at least further, my mind pictures further as a progression/improvement, while forward pictures a linear line.

i can't stop smiling. i don't have a job, i might take a road trip, azyah is being cute, my breakfast was awesome, the coffee was great, the weather is pleasant. been hanging round good vibes these last few days. swisher sweets cigarillos box full of coins and goodies. new clothes and shoes. lovely flowers at the park with explanations to azyah about how flowers and trees drop seeds in the fall, hence, the name, 'fall.'

fall is a time of everything falling into place, or at least, everything falling into place that needs to be doing so. i always go camping and this seems to help matters along as well, trees are full of knowledge if we only just let our ears hear... trees and vines mirror lovely patterns echoed with the stars. to be still and connected and quiet. to hang out in the dark close to the stars.

things can get silly whenever there is ice cream, a little girl, two dogs, a kitten, and three KidS in the kitchen.

i have couches in the wood floor room, yet we still all end up in the kitchen. the food is in there, why not? i like food, making it, smelling it, eating my creations. cooking abilities are coming back to me slowly. i still wander around for the knives. and the spatula.

i am going to visit these woods tomorrow

so what is obama doing right now?

she likes sun glasses.

I don't like to wear them at all, i feel like i can't see.

woke up this morning, went on a long bike ride loveland bike trail style with my mother. weird, for a while when i woke up a few minutes ago, i thought i had woken up for the day... yea, my memory is still fuzzy. this is so weirdness! when am i going to return to 100% memory status? when am i going to finally get back normal? well, what is normal anyway? i just don't fucking know anymore. well, fuck it all. what is really going on? what fucking day is it anyway? i think i am just supposed to be falling towards the idea of not caring, and only worrying about what day it REALLY is. though, it is frustrating. at least i don't have to worry about having a job...

i walked into work on this last friday on time. ready to work, but as i am getting to my window, my boss came up to me and told me that the human resources guy wanted to see me. a lump in my throat forms... and yea, no more job for me. they fired my ass because i called off too many times when i had a major concussion. i couldn't even remember what day of the week it was and they expected me to come in and perform financial transactions with thousands of other people's money? what? this shit is illegal, and i still cannot believe they fired me.

i just don't know what to do. but now i have lots of time to figure that one out. and someone to help me!

frankyl shoozie wickets

frankyl shoozie wickets.

this is the name my daughter has made up for our new chocolate point siamese kitten.

we call him frankyl or frank or wickets or shoozie for short.

frankyl shoozie wickets,
i never thought i would get another cat after the coolest cat in the world died
(canthius)
but you have proved me wrong.

"Grave robbing, torture, possessed nuns, and a satanic Sabbath..."
my kind of movie.
watching 'haxan:witchcraft through the ages' right now...
hells yeauh...

this will be continued tomorrow...

well, things have gotten considerably better in my world of forgetful ness, a weirdness i wish did not exist at all, but hey, i at least have fun with it. laughing has become a more norm than a inside frown of 'what the fuck.' sometimes i don't know what street i am on. i still get frustrated at not knowing exactly where i am going. i still want to take wrong turns.
though, a different thing.... i still want to think about why i live my life, why do anything at all, why try to beat them all if it is in fact impossible if i play this game they made up to keep us all down and un-alive. i don't know, everything just seems to be going not too well for everybody. at first i thought this dark premonition might be a residual effect of my brain injury, but this feeling will not go away. the symptoms of amnesia keep slowly leaving me, but this idea sticks. with every day that passes and my brain seeps to feeling better, this idea of a bad moon on the rise gets stronger. shall i paraphrase again? yes, i feel it is going to get worse, much more worse until it gets better. (insert bombs, screams, blood, dogs barking, babies crying, smoke, sweaty green swastika helmets)
the food they let us simpler folk afford is tainted with poison. the water has shit in it to make our bones waste away slowly. osteoporosis should not be a common disease of women.
although still, i am blessed to be in contact with beautiful people every single day of my life. the light of eyes gives me hope the dark will not achieve all. i meditate on this lately. if anyone has any thoughts, throw them my way, post them here, give me call, yea. i feel this on many more minds these days. just what does this un-sustainable un-healthy popular culture hold for us as a whole nation? something has got to change. it just can't go on like this. and although, i do feel i am sort of un-educated in many aspects of which i speak of and i do feel that i should be throwing out facts and instance with my charges, but my intuition is strong, and i have been living with it consciously for years and it has never taught me wrong... the three dots leave this post on a 'this will be continued tomorrow' note...

still, what fucking day is it? i know it's today...

my head is almost completely back to normal, although i find still i have momentary lapses of memory, unable to remember if i had these before the so-called accident, or if these were always a part of my everyday space-e-ness we know as andrea. just how mant licks does it take to get to the center of a blow pop? my world will never know, and i will never know why i have been blessed with keeping the memories of childhood advertisements and not the directions I must go when driving my way through these streets to my daughter's school in the morning. am I going to forever be questioning what day is it? no, i don't think so for very much longer:

this momentary lapse of memory has made me feel even stronger to the ideas of importance in life and being here and now. fuck the dates and fuck what IT is, today is all that matters. circles star my eyes. i sit here and play guitar and read books to myself and to Azyah. wash, rinse, repeat. food is good and full of love. say hello to people as you pass them on the street, and yes, make it a fucking point to walk places, and when driving don't always take the shortest way to get there. the place you might be going is the point in between. ask anyone who knows me, i don't take the highway when at all possible. i highly recommend this practice.

yea.

here is sit with nothing to do on a lovely wednesday alone. i think i will go out and ride my bike around. when in doubt, get outta the house.

animal farm

zyah was up until after one o clock in the morning last night playing with five incredible kids, having a great time. laughs full of excitement could be heard all throughout the building, toys splattered all around forever, the walls even got a dose of red crayon and purple marker. i didn't get mad, since i understand color happens when kids and fun times are involved. a simple wash rag and time will take it off the walls... all the four kids who stayed over slept in the big play room, we all woke up and i read them shel silverstein and other books in the morning until their parents rolled out of bed. then we made a great breakfast with guitar and flute playing throughout. such a greatness of a day, i love it when people of light come to hang out for a while, we stayed up past the kids just talking over the kitchen table, and the day after consisted of hanging out in the back yard courtyard with wading pools and sprinklers and cold glasses of ice water. beautiful music and vibes filled up all the space around here, today and for many days to come. the future is looking amazing. the way everything is working out is perfect, and i just started reading animal farm.


and this is a picture of the courtyard from my room on the fourth floor



and here is ms. jodi and zyah in the wood floor room. the acoustics are great.

a never thought

i wrote this a while ago. was thinking about situations about past experiences and stories i had heard recently from people.

well i guess places change and so do i
but i never thought it would all end
we go around in the same spots
different perspectives change the view of relativity
i sit here and contemplate
the end and death of it all
it's only a way in for the new
the ever eternity law of one is all
everything and nothing permeates me
purple with gold shimmer specks on my eyelids
feet surrounded by clouds
well i guess places change and so do i
but never thought it all would end

some of bill callahan's lyric

well the longest train i have ever saw went down that georgia line
well the engine went by at six o clock and the cab went by at nine
in the pines, in the pines, well the sun never shines and we shiver when the north wind blows....
well i asked the captain for the itme of day he said he threw his watch away.
a long steel rail and a short cross tie and i'm on my way back home
in the pines, in the pines, well the sun never shines and we shiver when the north wind blows...

~bill callahan

yea, this place is sweetness

i am sitting here up in my treeehouse of a room, this place is great. it overlooks the courtyard, my lovely back yard. so peaceful. i thought the sounds of cars chuggin up sycamore hill would get on my nerves a little, but so far, it hasn't even been an issue. in the mornings it gets busy for a while or so, but that is all. i am all the way up on the fourth floor, so it's far away from me anyway. i have two skylights and five open all the way up cool pane glass windows. it's weird, most old buildings down here have tiny windows up on the the top floor, but this house has great big ones. the other bedroom that faces downtown has small windows, but they are at the perfect height for chair sittin while thinking and staring at the Carew tower or music hall...
and wow, to ride my bike around these parts, what a frikkin workout. shit, just getting up the stairs has made me have stronger legs. i got 52 steps to make it up if i forget my coffee in the morning: this has led me to stop drinking it. i drink water out of my cup at work instead.

i will be having a get together, it has just been a little slow getting everything where it needs to go. moving twice in a few months is a bitch. but this place is great, and i love the person who i am giving money to now.

wood floors, sweet paint job, ceiling fans, natural wind flow chills the place out so we don't even need the central air on. yea, this place is sweetness.

in need of some strange events

so i need to go out with my camera and have some fun. way too stressed the fuck out. wait, i think a drink will help me out. or some strrange events...
yes...

her birthday number four

gifts from me: a hello kitty puzzle, dora play-do, light brite, matching game. we have played matching game twice, put the puzzle together twice... i am amazed at how quickly she picked up on how to find the correct pieces when we did the puzzle. it is a one hundred piece puzzle, not a pre-schooler puzzle. i got it thinking she would have fun watching me put it together, watching the pieces make a picture, with her helping here and there. but instead, we were a team. i found pieces that might match, she put them in the right spot. towards the end, i was getting a little tired: i handed her pieces and she put them where they go when i told her the correct placement. still, she was so good at it! my little problem solver azyah!

days of natural birth labor led up to this day four years ago at a lovely hospital with trees surrounding it up on a hill. it stormed for a while the night before she was born, it was starting to rain when i finally made it up to the hill... she was born 9 hours or so later, all pain forgiven and forgotten, if remembered at all in the first place. the doctor stood in the doorway to my right, smiling with his hands behind his back while the midwife and her nurse helped me. and after it all was done, we both slept for hours, hazing in and out of consciousness to eat. she was tiny and all wrapped up in her little hospital new born blue stripe blanket lovely. today a good friend congratulated me for doing it the natural way, it made me feel happy!

azyah

she is waving her head back and forth in front of yelling in a special voice the words to 'old mac donald.' i love this.

great-great aunt lenore

at 94 years, (!) she is full of life and vitality. she smiles and greets me with an awesome hug and smile, my great great aunt lenore. she lives in the house that her and her husband built 60 years ago, situated on the big piece of land with a few cows and barns in tennessee. she has lived in the area her whole life, her and her nine siblings being born in a house right down the road.
she is the one second from the right, next to smiling me.

i hung out with her after everybody left, the house got quiet while azyah and my dad took their naps. we talked about everyday things, looked at old black and white pictures of my great grandfather who loved horses, cool cars, and boats. she gets up early and stays up late like i do. she thinks natural cures are the best for what ails her, so she doesn't take any prescription drugs, just one aspirin a day. she makes her own wine and vinegar from things that grow in the valley around where she lives, and each are very tasty! she has been making her own wine for many years, and i heard many stories about my great grandfather and his "wine."

on her land there are two old barns, i took some pictures...

... one of them was for hanging tobacco a long time ago, since then it has sort of been falling apart. makes for really good light shining through the wood angles though...

and all around it was indeed beautiful...

and the cows were chillin at home

coffee and keys, chocolate and cheese

coffee and keys, chocolate and cheese. i sit on my ass with my hands on my knees.

i love the random rhymes that escape my head while i work at the place that employs me currently. well, they pay me to hang out and make nice with all the people who come in and need money, it is my job to give out money in correct denominations. good times, good times.

so, to catch up with some weirdness that has been going on my life, all of you the few who read this know i love music. i turned this over in my head last night while listening to free form jazz, my ass flat against a floor of beautiful wood on the third floor of an old freemason lodge, my back against a wall below a window, mind wandering, wandering, wandering, watching the things that fly out of the poor instruments the guys were playing. lights up a little more than time the before. a woman walking around with a flash camera fucking it the whole time. yes, her dress was pretty and her shoes were smashing, but the flash every so often took a lot away from what was being presented in front of my head. these things happen. i just filed it along with the dull noise of hamilton avenue cars and drunken people laughing. a bass clarinet old saxophone sweet drum set crazy trumpet must take precedence. always, no questions or other roads fancied.

smashing.

i love listening to and experiencing artists creating art. yes, some people can't really hang with free formed jazz, i understand completely, but to appreciate what is being presented by letting it change your ways of thinking and let it in, this is sweetness. and always a greatness of times. to have one of those thoughts that alter the way you perceive, to have one of those times that change your mind, these can be found in experiences of letting random ratios of notes, beats and time in to visit your head.

thank you district two.

i have a friend, i will call him (M).


(M) shows up to my house at three o'clock in the morning: stinking drunken loudness wake-up call to the girl who needs to get up in just a few short hours for work. awesome. and my kid is sleeping next to me on my bed. awesome.

so, (M) wants to party party party, but i tell him he can sleep here in my living room if he wants, if he wants to party party party he must get his sorry ass out the door. and quickness. i pull out the floor pillows and get some blankets from the red room corner and walk my sleepy self back to my warm and cozy bed with my little girl who wanted to sleep in mommie's bed. he proceeds to lay down for a split second, but to my pissed-off amazement, he gets up and starts to party party party with my guitar. singing drunken punk rock (M) songs,

laughing and going, "woooooo," this really makes super DRee pissed off. my feet touch my cold wood floor next to the bed with a little thump and they take me out to the living room, fists hitting and pushing this reject out my house. legs kicking shins and legs. fuck this guy! i lock him out, slam my door shut with a "fuck off! don't ever fucking come back to my house fuck off!" screaming from my mouth. all this while half awake and dreaming of being awake, is all this real or what is this in front of me and why are my feet moving? ... i trail back to my bed and cover up with my down comforter and three-year-old sleeping soundly though it all, thankful mommie.



and i wish this was the end of my story so-called, but alas...



he knocks on my door, and taps, and knocks loudly. and yells. and then walks around to my bedroom window and repeats these actions. "fuck you andrea for not letting me in, what kind of friend are you, let me the fuck in, fucker, fuck you!" i just try to ignore it all, i imagine he will go away in time if i pretend to be not paying attention. in and out of sleep i drift as he circles my house continually for what it turns out to be hours. at six o'clock in the morning i am so tired and pissed off, i do the thing i have always said i will not do. he left me no choice, i needed him to leave my yard. i could not leave my house while he was here trying to get in, terrorizing the neighborhood.... i called the cops! district two to the rescue! ... there is this guy at my house, he showed up really drunk at three a.m. and will not leave, i told him to leave, but he won't, i didn't want to call you guys but i really need someone to come here and take him so i can get ready for work, he won't be combative or anything, i just need some help.... alright ma'am, i'll get someone over there in *just a few... i say thank you to district two dispatch.
but they show up *just a few after (M) left. oh well, at least he is gone and i can feel better now.


and i needed a laugh, this night was socrazy, socrazy, so i called my daughter's father's cell phone number. his voice mail is hilarious. he got a cell phone from a mexican store in louisvilleORsomewhere that answers in a spanish generic message, "senoir t.c." heh. too bad he's in jail or junked out fucker oh well...

loss

there exists a fucked up situation.

someone has been breaking into my friend's house and terrorizing her life. this person, who ever he is, has done this several times. multiple things have been stolen. this person has rifled through her underwear drawer, bed, clothes. it's really strange. these things are a violation of her happiness and well being, but today, this person went far and beyond even more fucked-up status to a staus worthy of someone who shouldn't be allowed to walk another day. today, he broke into her house and wrote the threat, 'Die' on her fridge. And on the back door window, he wrote the words, 'I will get you.'

Fuck this guy.

To enter a mother's house and threaten her and her son with death is a threat that should not go un-noticed or un-punished.

my thoughts are with his downfall and loss.

so trashy.

i was feeling trashy so i took the trash out. so trashy.

that shit sucks.

so she calls me and asks me if i have done something extremely wacked out. i tell her that i am not guilty of this most shitty act of non-friendship alive, this question coming from one of my best friends is in itself an insult, one she has repeated over three times throughout the course of our friendship. well, so-called friendship. this girl calls herself my friend, yet has been secretly thinking i have been sleeping with her boyfriend. although she has asked me a few times, and i have told her, "no, that is really fucked up you are asking me that shit, why are you with this guy, he is a wack job..." she continues to not believe what i am telling her. she continues to believe instead what is coming out of this horrible guy's mouth.

oh well, i have tried to tell her she needs to stay away from him. she did not listen.

now, this guy is putting my daughter at risk. fuck this guy and his selfish bullshit. fuck all this shit. i am done with drain-bows. i try to instead surround myself with rainbows. light is meant to be shared and given, not sucked. that shit sucks.

fuck the dollar chase and all the mean and nasty things it makes us do to each other.

okay.
i am okay.
my fucking purse was fucking stolen while i was dropping my little one off at school, i left my car running, doors unlocked. just like i do every fucking morning, but only this morning, someone decided it was my day to have something taken from me. i walked out of the preschool to find out that my passenger car door is open, my cheap (but very cool) sun glasses out laying on the blacktop next to the ajar door. what the fuck.
so, since when is it alright to prey upon low-income mothers at the pleasant ridge YMCA? i guess times are getting hard, i don't know how life is on the thief's end, hell, they felt they must do it. i am not really mad at them anyway. at first, yes i was, but later on, the madness turned just into disgust for the way society makes certain others feel that they must steal to get what they need. shit, there wasn't any cash in the purse anyway. i just had to cancel all my credit and debit cards, i was an hour late for work. i stopped at the coffee shop and got a tasty coffee treat.

i have had things taken from me a few times, and there has never been a time when it was not a hassle. this time actually it was not too bad, but it was a hassle no less. hey, at least they did not take my car. life does not really take what we need, it only takes what it feels we must get rid of or learn to live without. of course. things would not get taken from us if the things were not needed to live. life is a bitch and a half but is always a blast and a half too.

and the hassle ensued yesterday, i came to find out on my only day off the whole week.

i go to my bank, and explain to the girl behind the desk what had happened to me the other day. she says she believes me, i verify that i am in fact my self, i give her my signature, she verifies that it does match my other ones attached to my account. i have no picture ID, no social security card. i brought my birth certificate, but the bitch said that would not suffice.

well, according to Chase policy, i am only allowed to get out $100 fucking dollars. $100 fucking dollars. and this is supposed to put gas in my car and float me until my new debit card comes in the mail..... i was fucking pissed. i explained to the girl that i needed to pay a ticket that was due today for $104, and if i did not pay it i would have a warrant out for my arrest. i also needed to but new tags, put gas in my car, buy groceries. i needed $300, not this insult of a number $100. fuck that.

well, i cussed, more than i am typing now, i yelled, i insulted. i promised that this bank would be losing my business. i will be closing my account as soon as i could. as soon as i get a picture identification i will be going straight to the bitches and closing my account. they do not deserve my presence. i have been there for about ten years.

fuck the dollar chase and all the mean and nasty things it makes us do to each other.

translucent baroque sunday

cold glass hand perspective swinging street lights
translucent baroque sunday with a wandering mind,
wind is here and i have a clue as to what i should do.
i grab the everyday wheel and go with it.

constantly a windy tornado kinetic

something i wrote last year, still like it. i still like music too.

metaphorically a song popular
imbedded with an permanent stamp
a thumbprint trip
an old jazz song keeps on creeping back
my favorite track
with that familiar click
that record pop
keeps on spinnin back around
an instantanious eye sight
within the soul so clear
feels like you are hear...

but back to that birdland
of head trips
how else can i say obsession magnetic-
constantly a windy tornado kinetic.

her amazingmind is here amazing mind is

as i sit down, happiness. my reply to this feeling: "that makes me want to touch my breasts." So, the right thing to do, commence, yes, in the middle of hyde park Echo. cow barbecue, pickles, fries, side of glier's goetta, what more perfection could life throw up into my friday face? this shit is awesome! so greatness, i want to touch them again.
*touching breasts now*
days full of this will make my weekendless. i love to eat with family and friends. (but the side o' goetta costs $3.75)

i am inside tonight, but this is not something i am forced to do, i have a yittle three year old who is a colorful time and we will have many fun things tonight together, books, watercolors, magic phones, pink pleather boots with velcro straps. she makes me so happy and amazed, thankful beyond comprehension. the yittle one who smiles and lllllaughs all de time wif her mommie.

she has a my little kitty pink lips case. this is the thing she wants to take to show and share every friday at her pre-school. the call it 'show and share' now, not 'show and tell.'

everyday when she leaves, she gives a hug to all the teachers and her friends, telling them goodbye. her preschool is great and i love all the adults who run it. nurturing love is flowing and has helped my yittle one grow and flourish, all to the tune of a wide variety of teacup train mountain Bonnie spider songs jumping on the bed, yittle bunny fu fu out in the field gets lots of mention on the way home as well. wow, and i can't forget the twinkle twinkle abc star zydeco.

and she just informed me two seconds ago, "mom, i am taking my beby to school."

she sets up here yittle yellow chairs in a row (the car) and puts here baby in the back chair.

bye bye zyah, i'll see you on the flip side.

she makes me flip out all the time, her amazingmind is.

what is this think on my breath?

overall, i had a lovely time that day. hung out with someone very greatness cool, smiles, random conversations and scenes with colorful thoughts, laughing, stories, lakes, gravy cheese, wanderings and wondering whens by the amazing squirrel tree and the white grave stone rock. looking away to not let the other one see it, yet knowing he could, driving the words away to some other place far away but still in the back yard of where the drive came from, fun although.

i tripped in a cemetery and messed up my toe, coldness, jackets, scarves, piggy back rides. purple and blue bursa joint tie dye stained, pain pills, limps, hops, and imaginary yells under my breath: i make it through another day at the job place, in a haze, not sure still if it really happened, if i am still here or there, or if i am about to wake up on thursday morning still last friday night's dream, (!) who are all these people? and why am i here, what is this think on my breath? why do i do this? what is that in front of my nose, since when have i been wearing glasses, who just said my name...?

THIS WILL BE A NIGHT TO REMEMBER! (or not...

i helped throw a party, it was fun, everybody had fun. the first people to grace the front door were ordered to shoot a sip of Petrone...
there was great food
music
drunken people
cool chicks
cool dudes
lots of alcohol
coffee table herbs
sweet conversation
Pfizer and Roche visited as well, good times.

i said as the night began, "This will be a night to remember... or not...
let's get drunk!"

two music nazis, (TWO), blurred eyeball pictures, fuzzy goodbyes and wishes, strawberry cream cheese nilla wafers, my brother and his "yo! occupado, man!" in the dark bathroom, empty bottle of whiskey with a question and empty looks, tight pants, smiles gleaming while eyes tear up with laughter, smoke, more smoke, more smoke, pink hair, laughter, back yard tree houses, baby jesus, joseph, and mary holding the fort down out back, christmas lights, a cool cane, excited conversations aimed at tearing it all down, people i have known for 22 years, wow, an overall great time. and even though i do not remember the night for the most part, i do know i had a ton of fun, and i also know i will do it again...

VISA at work

i work at a credit union. behind me there sits a chick that makes me laugh all the time, she says that most funniet shit...

"...and i will be on the phone with a member, they're yellin and screamin at me and then when we get done they thank me and say, 'thank you so much you've been so very helpful.' and i'm thinkin yea, you might like me, you just don't like my visa..."