shit

too many family gatherings, and all i want to do is chill out and stare at the computer screen, listening to weird playlists people make up on my favorite internet radio site, try to decide on one name to call the little child growing in my belly, sneeze all the time due to extra-HIGH sensitivity, make/eat chocolate chip cookies/chocolate chip cookie dough, all while dream about getting a WORKING record player: mine has pissed me off for the last time. but, most unfortunately, the receiver is now being weird. a ton of records and a ton of 'free' time, and no way to pass it with my vinyl. fuck. my desk is full of papers again: this symptom is representative of my ability and failings to procrastinate all the clutter to one spot of my life. hey, it fits well, so i just go with it. i don't want to do shit.

jealous dogs

My belly is getting bigger and bigger as the days pass by, i'm still working at my 'job' as if everything is the same as it ever was, going in as the sun coming up and leaving as the sun is starting to think about going back down behind the horizon. i'm so in love with my little family, and we are all very excited about the new little baby boy about to be added to the mix, although, i am sure, the little dog will be jealous.

pregnant

the Latin kings will come and rule your world. The world series is on the TV tonight. I am pregnant.

although i knew the true nature of a certain person's intentions, it became all the more greatly apparent with the happenings of life that have unfolded in the last few days. I've always knew that there are people in this world who are just mean. Sometimes this is due to not dealing well with all of childhood's ups and downs, sometimes this is due to not dealing well with all of adulthood's ups and downs, sometimes it's for other reasons, but whatever the deal, it still doesn't necessarily make it right, and it still doesn't make it completely wrong. it's just how it is. for whatever reason, there are people in this world who just hate themselves or the circumstances they have surrounded themselves with, and they are so fucked in the head that they feel they have to bring other people down. they love to see people suffer, manipulate others emotionally to get the results they want for their own personal gain, and step on others to make their way to the top of whatever shit mountain they have decided is the top of the game they want to play. when she gets to the top, all that's going to be there is herself, the person she hates the most. insanely jealous of others' happiness, truly unhappy with herself and how incredibly ugly her real self is. and maybe this will be the only time she will be able to see herself, when she is alone completely, with no one to bring down or manipulate, maybe she will learn to bring herself up without the faculty of bringing others down so she can feel good. But, most very likely, since she has been this way for as long as EVERYBODY can remember, she won't change. But, hopefully, she'll just take to screaming uncontrollably and pull all of her fake-ass hair out from her head, scratch little marks all over her face, bust some of those teeth out, and rip those expensive money clothes from her ugly ass. oh, but there i go, just rambling about things that will eventually happen, given the certainty of karma and the way it finds itself into everything that exists on this crazy planet. i used to feel sorry for this certain individual, given the facts that she had a shaky up-bringing, but then, i came to realize that she was manipulating me in to thinking that way in the first place. sure, she might have had a fucked up childhood, but really, everybody has a rough way way to go- that's just how it is- but making other people feel sorry for you, or making people do things for you because you made them worry about you, this is wrong, and the bitch knows it, even though she might try to justify her actions in her own head , convincing herself that she really is a good person and that she really deserves special treatment so she will just have to manipulate others in to treating her like the ultimate COOL queen she really really reaaalllly is. (LOL... wants to be.)
Well, she'll grow old and more alone, burning all bridges and growing progressively more ugly as the evil witch comes seeping out of her pores as she ages, her true, hideous self , completely out for all the world to see and know that that is what becomes of people who step on others to make themselves happy.

Austin Texas

"So, what are you in to? Well, I like skinny skiing, going to bull fights on acid... And what do you enjoy?"
This movie I am watching out of the corner of my eye whilst I hop around the internet looking for sweet spring roll type recipes:
~wow, it's funny. Bill Murray plays a spacey golf course gopher exterminator, and during the movie, a little side note appeared in the bottom ticker line, "There were no lines written for Bill Murray's character. All the acting seen here is improvised." That, is awesome, because he is the funniest character in the whole movie.
~And now the kitten is pathetically sweetly mewing outside the big wooden doors, it's a dreadfully cold and windy night outside against the big doors he so wishes to enter through, but alas, he cannot get inside to the luxurious warm where the beautiful woman is being betrayed by the man in a turban. The sand is beating against the doors fast, and his little mews are drown out by the sands' crashing intensity...
~His DNA matches that which was found at the crime scene.... and we also find that an innocent man was sitting behind bars, 25 years after the crime was committed, and now, 25 years after the crime was committed, the innocent man was sent free.
~Friends with benefits. Rated R.
~I trust. NO one.
~Asking everyday drivers to shoot straight with us about the all new 2012 Hyandai Sonata.
~Now she can spend more times with patients and less time doing paper work, Thank You Dell! You are AMAZING! Save more for your child's college fund! AMAZING!
The random things spitting out of the idiot box, it just keeps coming, keeps coming, keeps coming. My little girl has been under the weather the last few days and we've been laying around watching a lot of television. It is an endless plea to spend money for any possible thing thought up by some person in a far, far, away land... probably known as California. Maybe known as my back yard last Tuesday at five PM. Who knows really, we can only know that it is definitely not from Tallahassee, Florida. And not Austin Texas. And not Detroit, Michigan. I like that place. Not so much the other two before mentioned, though.

the idiot neighbor. i tried to warn the landlord but to no avail

this weather is weird, and is made even more extreme by the yard full of dark and rich dirt clumps of mud which surround my house, trapping my daughter and i inside to stay away from the obnoxious neighbor who created the horrible mess. Apparently, he convinced the property owner that the perfect yard needed to be transformed into an amazing yard. In the process, he ripped a perfectly great tree out of the ground, (he said it was dead) destroyed part of a hundred-year-old stone wall that encompasses the property, and got mud, sticks, and mayhem all over the damm place. It seems that this will be fucking up our outside play-times for many more months to come. And to top it all off, this guy is the most obnoxious idiot I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. He is one of those people who have a lot to say, but do not ever listen to what others have to say; and why would he anyway- he is always right, especially in the case involving any women, myself definitely included. Most unfortunately, i tried to warn the property owner of this guy's idiotic and stupid behaviors, and i tried to inform him that his beautiful yard was being completely obliterated, but the property owner also sometimes suffers from the ailment of not paying any valuable attention to the females of our our species, and he was not apparently feeling that well when i tried to inform him of what was being done to his yard. I had called him, and told him about how fucked up the yard looked, but he said that it was all under control, that the guy who was doing this was doing it right and that the yard would only be VERY temporarily out of commission; in order for the yard to be transformed into an amazing yard, it would have to be a little messy for a few days. I am not sure what was said to the landlord, or how it was said, in order to convince him that a bobcat needed to be rented to just dig out a small walkway, but nonetheless he was convinced, and the idiot was made able to majorly fuck up our beautiful yard. We will not be able to play any kind of whiffle ball this summer, or grill out, or plant flowers in the flower bed he destroyed. It sucks. But fortunately we do live right down the street from a nice sized park, with a perfect field for playing our whiffle ball within. I love taking Azyah down there to hit the whiffle balls, and scooter loves to chase after them in the field as well.
The idiot neighbor of mine has been at least quiet ever since the landlord got back in to town and saw the devastation; the landlord yelled at the idiot pretty well and fired him from the job of fucking up the yard. Consequently, the idiot neighbor has taken to drinking his cheap bottles of wine in his house and not in the front yard. He was getting progressively bad, annoying the shit out of all our pretty female neighbors- we have lots- and also annoying my daughter by not simply letting her play in her yard in peace. We still have the picnic table out there, he didn't destroy that thankfully, but if we want to use it when we eat dinner, we will have to take our shoes off whenever we get back to our house because they will be caked up to our ankles in rich, dark and beautiful, Ohio valley mud.
We have a little section of nice earth right next to our porch, and i have purchased a few bags of nice potting soil to plant some stuff i love: Butterfly Bushes and Russian Sage plants... i love the way they smell so much! so much indeed, my daughter's middle name is Sage!! Plus, all i need to get the job done is a little shovel, no BOBcat machine is necessary. i might just use a soup spoon instead of buying one from the hardware store, and i'm not going to try and get money off of my rent, i'm going to leave the poor landlord alone since he is already dealing with the incredible mess that has been made of the yard. I already have a job, so I don't need to convince him that the world will end if he doesn't pay me to fuck up the yard, and anyway, that job was already taken by the idiot neighbor. At least our little corner of the known yard universe will be buzzing with butterflies and bees, pleasantly existing without the aid of loud and annoying machines.

these fairies are little bitches.

a bunch of shit has come up missing today and yesterday. it's causing a little bit of stress in my house. hopefully the fairies will stop playing their mean tricks. those little bitches need to find something else to keep them occupied instead of trying to make my life a little bit of a living hell. i thought they were supposed to be creatures of beauty? they are making me think thoughts not associated with anything of beauty. bitches.
but at least my daughter and i made crop circles in the snow with brooms...



well, now i will return to my search of certain missing items. hopefully this little break will prove beneficial and i will get lucky: the fairies will show some mercy.

changing directions means to have already done it ages ago, the thought has been there for months and months now, but the actions have not been carried out to actuality. we think and think about these things, these life changes, fantasies, alternate morning rituals, or perhaps different colors applied to the window treatments. but us, being human and/or insecure, and/or preoccupied with other things seemingly greater in purpose or feeling, these new directions sometimes take time to find their ways into monday mornings while we get our kids ready for the week. i type and type and type, but still, time stands still, and anything i try pertaining to typing just doesn't stick, and i never even liked oatmeal in the fucking mornings anyway. the dog is still on my lap, so i can't do it any other way, no matter how hard i try, no matter how hard i try to fool myself.


* * * * * *

i don't know exactly how many times the pizza can be cut in to equal pieces, the math books say it's infinite, but they are not correct. they do not take in to account that only eight great pieces can be cut out of a round pizza, so that means only a maximum of eight pieces should be cut. the quality of each slice is way more important than quantity. this fact rings true on any planet, any solar system, any time. bring it. i'll fucking prove it gladly.

IT

that flash before you don't know better, the best thoughts occur out of the corner of our mind's eye, while drifting about thinking about other things, like grocery lists and the future day's activities pertaining to the normal things we clutter up the time; we run around in circles and sit in cars for hours on end and end. while yes, some can say that their days are filled with adventure and new things around every corner and blink, most of us just average folks are really fucking bored with what the days have been bringing them for months, perhaps years and years on end now. however, there is indeed a way to live this life without that fact annoying the shit out of us, it waking us up with horrible knives of perpetual morning alarm clock shatters to pillows of dreams, making the first word we say every morning a loud and firm, "FUCK. What the fuck.. .. fuck." this magical potion is called... a sense of humor.
fucking lighten up! you bitchy fucks! IT's really not that bad as you make it out to be. and IT would be so much nicer to you if you would stop treating it with so much mean attitude and frivolous lawsuits of 'what ifs.' let Life be, fucking let it be good to you without tearing it to shreds at every step it takes not in your whole and complete auspicious favor. keep your eyes and ears peeled so you can actually notice when it throws you something good, forget about that dumb shit that happened to you years and years ago, don't carry that shit around with you forever! the sunrise and the flowers are only available to those who open their eyes, and even if your eyes are black and blue from getting the shit beat out of you last night, they can still perceive a smile upon a beautiful little girl's face. and i would bet she would want to give you a hug too. if she can deal with that horrible stench wafting from the area of your ass, man, it can't be TOO bad then... which comes to my next piece of words, "cleanliness is next to godliness." yea, god smells good, not like fucking burnt hair and broken pottery. yikes.