ant hill chaos quote...

"The twentieth century makes a fetish of civilization and is overwhelmed by its own fabrications; its gods are of its own fashioning. Humanity has forgotten how infinitesimal, how impermanent and how ignorant it actually is. Ptolemy has been ridiculed for conceiving the Earth to be the center of the universe, yet modern civilization is seemingly founded upon the hypothesis that the planet earth is the most permanent and important of all the heavenly spheres, and that the gods from their starry thrones are fascinated by the monumental and epochal events taking place upon this spherical ant-hill chaos."

pg. CCIII
'Secret Teachings of All Ages'
-Manly P. Hall

heat.

the coka cola is going down so so so so early and esy, flowing down my throat so lazy, the caffeine is pointless, this heavy heat is lazy.
my rhyme of the day is thus.

descriptive sleep inducers

immediately afterwards of the so suddenly drift into the familiar un-conscious state of Dreamworld Incorporated, the brown haired girl experiences REM sleep whilst still in the realm of conscious thought- but just a touch. just enough to imprint her waking memory with recollection of the REM movie, a screenplay written all in metaphor, only decipherable to the playwright's mind in which the scenes commence and show themselves, telling secrets far too advanced for any human mind while awake in the sun to understand with full comprehension, furthermore, secrets not really wanted to be experienced and/or thought about by the unlucky playwright. Although an often occurring incident, she still gasps with horrible surprise when her body sees, but it grabs the large bottle of sleeping pills next to her bed with familiarity. "All this night's sleep isn't lost...", she thinks, the clock blinking 4:24 AM... at least she'll get about another hour and a half. and as she lays back down in her pillow top serta mattress, she wonders what it would be like to sleep the whole night through, to not wake up when it's dark outside still, to wake up with the sun, hell, to sleep in like all the other irresponsible people of her generation do on a Monday with no school or job in sight for months, no worries, no sleeping pills, parties, a boyfriend even? wow, a normal life. a normal sleep... and finally, just as they always do, the one and only stable, predictably boring, in the crazy girl's life, the pills take effect. her mind slows down, the lights dim, she drifts off to pill induced slumber. yet unfortunately, she will most likely wake up still tired, pill sleep is not really real sleep. sleep is real sleep, with no preceding unhappy adjectives, such as, 'pill' or 'drug' or 'alcohol' or _____. Her poor body had seen its very fair share of these descriptive sleep inducers, and yet so very ironically, she was tired of the sleep inducers, tired of not being able to do it herself, tired of being tired. she just wanted simple sleep. normal, un-interrupted, Saturday sleep in till noon because you can, sleep...

fuck it. i'm goin to bed.


"...and i aint got no worries, cause i aint got no hurry, ahh...."

so.. i haven't written anything on here for quite a while... i've been immersed in the a current state of affair... been having good times. the coffee is great. i hate sugar in it although donuts are one of my passions. i work next to Servatti's, it's funny, so does my boyfriend, although, different locations.
someone i've missed for many months now came back to the city for a visit, she's one of the most beautiful girls i know, inside and out, i'll miss her when she leaves again. no worries, i'll see her again, maybe i'll go out there to see her.
finally having money and a job and ability to do some things i've been missing, made some cool pieces of art and have some more ideas, inspired by the current state of affair and love surrounding my life, thankful for all that has been coming my way, family been taking care of my daughter and i when we need certain things, such as bread or a slight perspective change. sweetness. so glad.

a movie

the last unicorn is awesome....

square one

the curtains shift with the wind of outside, and the air is thankfully not too sharp as it makes its way into my bedroom. "science is religion's replacement..."

my daughter took all of these pictures, she is only five....
i especially like the one of the butterflies super-imposed over the view out her car seat window. and the one of the back of my head makes me look pretty! for being only five years old, she takes really good pictures, she pays attention to what the image looks like on the camera viewing screen, and sometimes she will set things up and take pictures of the scene, using stuff she finds around the house. she made some really cool pictures with some of her dolls, and she also loves to take pictures of our yorkie, he is very co-operative, lets her put him in baby carriages and wrap him in scarves. scooter is fun.