Television deaths

This apartment has become the land of dead televisions. Which is ironic, since I made it a point to not watch or own a television, or multiple televisions. And here, in the last two days, two perfectly good working televisions have left this life with us. They both just sort of faded away. One of them was playing a Sons of Anarchy episode, another one was playing a really random Netflix movie. This might have to do with the fact that there has been a lot of paranormal activity in our house lately; isn't that type of thing supposed to drain or mess up electronics?? Oh well, back to sewing and making art instead of Jax Teller when I get bored.

The American dream is soaring, soaring like it's never soared before

I got married on Sunday, it was great.
Everyone who came had a great time, and a lot of people I talked to after the ceremony told me that they cried. Even on such short notice, almost all of our friends we invited came. But, except for my father and his wifey, only my mother's side of the family showed up. Basically, everyone who was there, was extremely happy to be there, and none of the girls had to wear anything they didn't want to just because some stuck up princess bride wanted them to wear something that she wanted them to wear. I didn't force tomboys into dresses, I didn't have bridesmaids, nobody dressed up on my behalf. Everything was done from the heart, no big fancy price tags attached: I do not buy in to something as sacred as love being an occasion we must spend thousands of dollars on. I also refuse to wear diamonds. True love is free, the best things in life are free, and I refuse to symbolize something as amazing as our love with a material object. Furthermore, the path in which those expensive diamonds were acquired most likely has blood all over its trail; our peaceful union will not have that issue to deal with.

The ceremony was performed on the day before the eve of the new moon, the Chinese New Year, enter the year of the Dragon. It was mild and misty rainy, a bit foggy outside. Coolest wedding ever. Our American Dream is soaring.

Snow?

Although I hate the snow, for my daughter's sake, I am sad it hasn't really dumped down on us this winter season. No big snow men have visited our little yard yet. Yes, there is still the rest of January and February. Keeping my hopes up.

I remember one year when it snowed, I was a little girl wearing a big and puffy blue snow suit, wading through an insanely deep yard full of snow with precaution, trying to feel with my foot where the ledge for the yard's end was, a little bit scared because my feet were numb from the cold. Fell off the ledge and busted my chin.

it's not his fault he's a fuck up.

So is it the birds' fault for the big bloody feather mess? Or as for the telephone poles, that since there are birds flying around, telephone wires should not exist because it is too tempting for the birds to fly into them? It's all the telephone poles' fault. It should be illegal for the telephone wires to exist because of the disastrous and messy temptation that ensues year after year? Telephone wire = disaster of the pigeons. Big and bloody feather mess. Down with the telephone poles, lets make a big bon-fire. Ha, a big bone-fire made out of all those bloody pigeon feathers.

I left my car unlocked, so it is my fault that the junky can feed his addiction by stealing my shitty car stereo/tape player. I, clean and sober, enable ten seconds of crack-induced bliss. It's all my fault that there is this horrible blight upon society. I need to do more, right? I'll just own nothing of value.... or is it my Toyota's fault for not reminding me that I needed to lock the door last night? He (my Toyota) is in jail right now. He will be chilling with all the other locked up and decrepit junk-yard cars for a few days so he can realize just how good he has it with me on the outside in normal society. That will make him think twice next time he thinks that he shouldn't be reminding me he's unlocked, that bastardo. He can eat all that shitty junk-yard car 5W-30 until his teeth fall out, fuck him. He needs to get his priorities straight. I need reliable transportation or else I'M TELLING MOM.

Yea, it's nice to blame others when we fuck up, but really, doesn't that just constitute another address on the avenue Fuck-up? Why try to escape the fact that you fucked up? It makes you look bad-ass if you are able and willing to talk about and call out attention to your fuck up. It makes you look like a sorry ass loser if you try to explain away and place blame on other forces and people besides yourself for the qualities that surround your life and the direction that it is going in. We are at the helm of our ship, turning the wheel and deciding which island and things to acquire and accomplish.

It's never someone else's fault that you went to, 'that one island where the natives like to eat people and now you are out a left limb.' It sucks limping around, but get over it and get over yourself, that's just how it's going to be from now on.

Or, you can go retreat to the comfortable basement of your mommie's house so you can live your life there because someone else fucked it up, not (PERFECT) you. Just remember, it's never your fault that you are a fuck up. Plus, don't worry, you can blame your sorry ass situation on the fact that you had a fucked up family life when you were young and formative, which never gave you a solid footing in being an adult person who makes good choices. It's not your fault, it's all somebody else's doings.

Wake the fuck up: everybody had a rough time growing up, and thinking that you had it worse than anybody else is a big neon highway sign showing everybody you come into contact with that you are a major loser who will amount to nothing. So, go ahead and build all those houses of sand and pop sickle sticks, because I love to laugh when you cry because the water of true life shuts that shit down all the fucking time.

The Journey of Life is hard and amazing and sad with shots of light and dark happiness. We all are going through the same thing, just with different details of the same old shit that's been going on since the dawn of our time here on earth. You have it no harder or easier than me.

shit

too many family gatherings, and all i want to do is chill out and stare at the computer screen, listening to weird playlists people make up on my favorite internet radio site, try to decide on one name to call the little child growing in my belly, sneeze all the time due to extra-HIGH sensitivity, make/eat chocolate chip cookies/chocolate chip cookie dough, all while dream about getting a WORKING record player: mine has pissed me off for the last time. but, most unfortunately, the receiver is now being weird. a ton of records and a ton of 'free' time, and no way to pass it with my vinyl. fuck. my desk is full of papers again: this symptom is representative of my ability and failings to procrastinate all the clutter to one spot of my life. hey, it fits well, so i just go with it. i don't want to do shit.

jealous dogs

My belly is getting bigger and bigger as the days pass by, i'm still working at my 'job' as if everything is the same as it ever was, going in as the sun coming up and leaving as the sun is starting to think about going back down behind the horizon. i'm so in love with my little family, and we are all very excited about the new little baby boy about to be added to the mix, although, i am sure, the little dog will be jealous.

pregnant

the Latin kings will come and rule your world. The world series is on the TV tonight. I am pregnant.

although i knew the true nature of a certain person's intentions, it became all the more greatly apparent with the happenings of life that have unfolded in the last few days. I've always knew that there are people in this world who are just mean. Sometimes this is due to not dealing well with all of childhood's ups and downs, sometimes this is due to not dealing well with all of adulthood's ups and downs, sometimes it's for other reasons, but whatever the deal, it still doesn't necessarily make it right, and it still doesn't make it completely wrong. it's just how it is. for whatever reason, there are people in this world who just hate themselves or the circumstances they have surrounded themselves with, and they are so fucked in the head that they feel they have to bring other people down. they love to see people suffer, manipulate others emotionally to get the results they want for their own personal gain, and step on others to make their way to the top of whatever shit mountain they have decided is the top of the game they want to play. when she gets to the top, all that's going to be there is herself, the person she hates the most. insanely jealous of others' happiness, truly unhappy with herself and how incredibly ugly her real self is. and maybe this will be the only time she will be able to see herself, when she is alone completely, with no one to bring down or manipulate, maybe she will learn to bring herself up without the faculty of bringing others down so she can feel good. But, most very likely, since she has been this way for as long as EVERYBODY can remember, she won't change. But, hopefully, she'll just take to screaming uncontrollably and pull all of her fake-ass hair out from her head, scratch little marks all over her face, bust some of those teeth out, and rip those expensive money clothes from her ugly ass. oh, but there i go, just rambling about things that will eventually happen, given the certainty of karma and the way it finds itself into everything that exists on this crazy planet. i used to feel sorry for this certain individual, given the facts that she had a shaky up-bringing, but then, i came to realize that she was manipulating me in to thinking that way in the first place. sure, she might have had a fucked up childhood, but really, everybody has a rough way way to go- that's just how it is- but making other people feel sorry for you, or making people do things for you because you made them worry about you, this is wrong, and the bitch knows it, even though she might try to justify her actions in her own head , convincing herself that she really is a good person and that she really deserves special treatment so she will just have to manipulate others in to treating her like the ultimate COOL queen she really really reaaalllly is. (LOL... wants to be.)
Well, she'll grow old and more alone, burning all bridges and growing progressively more ugly as the evil witch comes seeping out of her pores as she ages, her true, hideous self , completely out for all the world to see and know that that is what becomes of people who step on others to make themselves happy.

Austin Texas

"So, what are you in to? Well, I like skinny skiing, going to bull fights on acid... And what do you enjoy?"
This movie I am watching out of the corner of my eye whilst I hop around the internet looking for sweet spring roll type recipes:
~wow, it's funny. Bill Murray plays a spacey golf course gopher exterminator, and during the movie, a little side note appeared in the bottom ticker line, "There were no lines written for Bill Murray's character. All the acting seen here is improvised." That, is awesome, because he is the funniest character in the whole movie.
~And now the kitten is pathetically sweetly mewing outside the big wooden doors, it's a dreadfully cold and windy night outside against the big doors he so wishes to enter through, but alas, he cannot get inside to the luxurious warm where the beautiful woman is being betrayed by the man in a turban. The sand is beating against the doors fast, and his little mews are drown out by the sands' crashing intensity...
~His DNA matches that which was found at the crime scene.... and we also find that an innocent man was sitting behind bars, 25 years after the crime was committed, and now, 25 years after the crime was committed, the innocent man was sent free.
~Friends with benefits. Rated R.
~I trust. NO one.
~Asking everyday drivers to shoot straight with us about the all new 2012 Hyandai Sonata.
~Now she can spend more times with patients and less time doing paper work, Thank You Dell! You are AMAZING! Save more for your child's college fund! AMAZING!
The random things spitting out of the idiot box, it just keeps coming, keeps coming, keeps coming. My little girl has been under the weather the last few days and we've been laying around watching a lot of television. It is an endless plea to spend money for any possible thing thought up by some person in a far, far, away land... probably known as California. Maybe known as my back yard last Tuesday at five PM. Who knows really, we can only know that it is definitely not from Tallahassee, Florida. And not Austin Texas. And not Detroit, Michigan. I like that place. Not so much the other two before mentioned, though.

the idiot neighbor. i tried to warn the landlord but to no avail

this weather is weird, and is made even more extreme by the yard full of dark and rich dirt clumps of mud which surround my house, trapping my daughter and i inside to stay away from the obnoxious neighbor who created the horrible mess. Apparently, he convinced the property owner that the perfect yard needed to be transformed into an amazing yard. In the process, he ripped a perfectly great tree out of the ground, (he said it was dead) destroyed part of a hundred-year-old stone wall that encompasses the property, and got mud, sticks, and mayhem all over the damm place. It seems that this will be fucking up our outside play-times for many more months to come. And to top it all off, this guy is the most obnoxious idiot I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. He is one of those people who have a lot to say, but do not ever listen to what others have to say; and why would he anyway- he is always right, especially in the case involving any women, myself definitely included. Most unfortunately, i tried to warn the property owner of this guy's idiotic and stupid behaviors, and i tried to inform him that his beautiful yard was being completely obliterated, but the property owner also sometimes suffers from the ailment of not paying any valuable attention to the females of our our species, and he was not apparently feeling that well when i tried to inform him of what was being done to his yard. I had called him, and told him about how fucked up the yard looked, but he said that it was all under control, that the guy who was doing this was doing it right and that the yard would only be VERY temporarily out of commission; in order for the yard to be transformed into an amazing yard, it would have to be a little messy for a few days. I am not sure what was said to the landlord, or how it was said, in order to convince him that a bobcat needed to be rented to just dig out a small walkway, but nonetheless he was convinced, and the idiot was made able to majorly fuck up our beautiful yard. We will not be able to play any kind of whiffle ball this summer, or grill out, or plant flowers in the flower bed he destroyed. It sucks. But fortunately we do live right down the street from a nice sized park, with a perfect field for playing our whiffle ball within. I love taking Azyah down there to hit the whiffle balls, and scooter loves to chase after them in the field as well.
The idiot neighbor of mine has been at least quiet ever since the landlord got back in to town and saw the devastation; the landlord yelled at the idiot pretty well and fired him from the job of fucking up the yard. Consequently, the idiot neighbor has taken to drinking his cheap bottles of wine in his house and not in the front yard. He was getting progressively bad, annoying the shit out of all our pretty female neighbors- we have lots- and also annoying my daughter by not simply letting her play in her yard in peace. We still have the picnic table out there, he didn't destroy that thankfully, but if we want to use it when we eat dinner, we will have to take our shoes off whenever we get back to our house because they will be caked up to our ankles in rich, dark and beautiful, Ohio valley mud.
We have a little section of nice earth right next to our porch, and i have purchased a few bags of nice potting soil to plant some stuff i love: Butterfly Bushes and Russian Sage plants... i love the way they smell so much! so much indeed, my daughter's middle name is Sage!! Plus, all i need to get the job done is a little shovel, no BOBcat machine is necessary. i might just use a soup spoon instead of buying one from the hardware store, and i'm not going to try and get money off of my rent, i'm going to leave the poor landlord alone since he is already dealing with the incredible mess that has been made of the yard. I already have a job, so I don't need to convince him that the world will end if he doesn't pay me to fuck up the yard, and anyway, that job was already taken by the idiot neighbor. At least our little corner of the known yard universe will be buzzing with butterflies and bees, pleasantly existing without the aid of loud and annoying machines.

these fairies are little bitches.

a bunch of shit has come up missing today and yesterday. it's causing a little bit of stress in my house. hopefully the fairies will stop playing their mean tricks. those little bitches need to find something else to keep them occupied instead of trying to make my life a little bit of a living hell. i thought they were supposed to be creatures of beauty? they are making me think thoughts not associated with anything of beauty. bitches.
but at least my daughter and i made crop circles in the snow with brooms...



well, now i will return to my search of certain missing items. hopefully this little break will prove beneficial and i will get lucky: the fairies will show some mercy.

changing directions means to have already done it ages ago, the thought has been there for months and months now, but the actions have not been carried out to actuality. we think and think about these things, these life changes, fantasies, alternate morning rituals, or perhaps different colors applied to the window treatments. but us, being human and/or insecure, and/or preoccupied with other things seemingly greater in purpose or feeling, these new directions sometimes take time to find their ways into monday mornings while we get our kids ready for the week. i type and type and type, but still, time stands still, and anything i try pertaining to typing just doesn't stick, and i never even liked oatmeal in the fucking mornings anyway. the dog is still on my lap, so i can't do it any other way, no matter how hard i try, no matter how hard i try to fool myself.


* * * * * *

i don't know exactly how many times the pizza can be cut in to equal pieces, the math books say it's infinite, but they are not correct. they do not take in to account that only eight great pieces can be cut out of a round pizza, so that means only a maximum of eight pieces should be cut. the quality of each slice is way more important than quantity. this fact rings true on any planet, any solar system, any time. bring it. i'll fucking prove it gladly.

IT

that flash before you don't know better, the best thoughts occur out of the corner of our mind's eye, while drifting about thinking about other things, like grocery lists and the future day's activities pertaining to the normal things we clutter up the time; we run around in circles and sit in cars for hours on end and end. while yes, some can say that their days are filled with adventure and new things around every corner and blink, most of us just average folks are really fucking bored with what the days have been bringing them for months, perhaps years and years on end now. however, there is indeed a way to live this life without that fact annoying the shit out of us, it waking us up with horrible knives of perpetual morning alarm clock shatters to pillows of dreams, making the first word we say every morning a loud and firm, "FUCK. What the fuck.. .. fuck." this magical potion is called... a sense of humor.
fucking lighten up! you bitchy fucks! IT's really not that bad as you make it out to be. and IT would be so much nicer to you if you would stop treating it with so much mean attitude and frivolous lawsuits of 'what ifs.' let Life be, fucking let it be good to you without tearing it to shreds at every step it takes not in your whole and complete auspicious favor. keep your eyes and ears peeled so you can actually notice when it throws you something good, forget about that dumb shit that happened to you years and years ago, don't carry that shit around with you forever! the sunrise and the flowers are only available to those who open their eyes, and even if your eyes are black and blue from getting the shit beat out of you last night, they can still perceive a smile upon a beautiful little girl's face. and i would bet she would want to give you a hug too. if she can deal with that horrible stench wafting from the area of your ass, man, it can't be TOO bad then... which comes to my next piece of words, "cleanliness is next to godliness." yea, god smells good, not like fucking burnt hair and broken pottery. yikes.

wealth in the winter

sitting on the couch, laugh tracks encompass all that is going on at the moment,
i'm so sick of hearing the stupid people's conversations and relationships played out in half an hour segments,
all things known to them fall apart and come back together again, more tightly knit and feel good then they ever thought possible,
ever before, it's all about the half an hour time segment that must get fulfilled, it's not about the fulfillment of the watcher's intelligence or entertainment, it's really all about the fulfillment of perpetuating the machine that enslaves all who fall victim. this happens more and more whenever it's cold outside, the masses are seemingly trapped inside for larger amounts of darkness and time, larger amounts of time that could be filled up with the betterment of humanity, but, most of which are wasted upon things that make them even more unintelligent, undernourished, and uninspired to do anything more than to just stare at that which is killing his drive to create, and killing his ability to pull himself up or out of any and all that is not letting his soul and energy be amazing.

legs kicked up over the arm of the couch, arms behind your head, eyes half open, drifting away, away, away,
relax, take it easy whilst they control your thoughts: you desire to be poor, you desire to be unamazing, you desire to strive to mediocrity to the point of no return.
all possible is lost beneath covers of lies, drift away, make them money, work until you die and owe them money still.

i desire to possess wealth of knowledge, inspiration to create every day of my natural life, ability to do so with passion, and able to inspire all those who touch me to follow my lead: leave the horrible path of money and destruction, turn to smart sustainability, wealth of knowledge, love of people: protect and nurture that which is the most important resource of all, the human being. i just want everybody to be free, the wealth of money isn't working out.

betterment

would love to, but i can't. been meaning to, but i haven't. been stuck, that's all, but at least i'm stuck in a comfortable place. although, i wonder if i wasn't stuck if things could be even better than they are now. my mind wanders of such things while i sit here in front of my computer, warm, and with comfortable clothing all around me. my daughter is fed well and loved, she plays with her many toys that are scattered all around her room, i hear her little bells and things hitting the floor while she tinkers, her little shoes make clips on the floor, her grandma bought her a pair of shiny high heeled shoes with little black straps that clip clop on the old wood floors.

this desk is so cluttered that nothing organized can come from it, nothing worth of note, nothing has been being created for months and months now. would love to but i can't. been meaning to but i haven't. so far gone and in the hole that nothing i attempt will change what's on my plate.

...the glimmer of hope is created by it all falling down, by it all falling down, by it all falling down. we don't have to worry anymore about these numbers they create to keep us slaves, ignorant of what's been done throughout the years, and even the years themselves were created to keep us slaves and away from the power and audacity of the real cycles of the sun. the week is making us weak. the work week is not working in our favor, sunday should be every day, for we should worship the star for which everything revolves around. if only we could change society on such a grand scale, but wow, what an undertaking... wow. it's gotta start small and continue on until it encompasses all that exists, becoming everything.

this cluttered desk organization piles up high with afterschool activities, i didn't finish school at all, and don't plan to. all of that school is lost and shall never be found, there's nothing to find and no one to thank and no one to blame, it is what it is and i'll just be prepared when it all goes away. i'll just be prepared for when it all goes away, the streets will be gone but we'll know how to get there when it's time. i'm ready for it all to go away, it's all changing before our eyes and before we'll know exactly what's going on it'll be done. i just want to get past all this and reach the real american freedom, freezing in the december snow i'll be happy to burn the fuck outta my money in the aftermath. we'll make all the tea we have layin around, it's all old and stale but it'll taste so good when we need it. fuck it, i'm tired of being tired for all these rich people, making them richer and richer and richer with the money they make even more worthless everyday, they make it harder and harder for us working people to survive. i'm really sick of paying them and paying them and paying them and paying them. we should all look for ways to work away from the dependency of money. tight societies and understandings between people have proven to work for centuries, money was created to make trade easier between long distances, if we try to work away from these long distance relationships, we can slowly learn how to live in a better and more sustainable way. indeed yes, it is an amazing thing that we can talk to each other across the world, and we can pass along information, but our primary day to day living activities, processes, and outlooks must move and strive towards a dependency on local people, places, and things. to have a vehicle in ohio that runs on fossil fuels from alaska is not a good thing. to furnish your house with goods made in china is not a good thing. but how can we change all that we have created over these last few hundred years? it's going to be hard, as all major changes are in the beginning. but everything will become easier in time. we as a human race have proven to be adaptable over the years, and we will be just fine as soon as we figure it all out. i don't have all the answers, not one of us will, but i believe that we as a whole people will have the answer if we all work for each other, and work towards the betterment of everyone...

the spell checker says i should capitalize days of the week but i'm not going to. fuck you spell checker. you can just fuck off however you please.

i wake up and always find, but always to my surprise, absolutely nothing and nobody right in front of me that was about to engage in pleasant and insightful conversation, a conversation to top all conversations past, present, and eons to come, monumentous in existence of this brief moment in the time all humans breathe. everything is all about me. hey, it's the dream fairy stopping by myu head this night. i woke up right after this little ditty, sorta laughed and was confused about it. shit i've had much weirder dreams than that one. yea. well, it or she or he could have been holding a gun instead of holding thoughts that needed to get out to the worthy individual standing at twelve o' clock. or it could be a cat. with fleas. or the RAGE!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Zombie C A T !
that would actually be greatness.... okay.....
lets see...

it was tuesday and the sun was just coming out from behind the dark blue earth curtain, all was still and white milky hazed. she lay breathing peacefully next to her future husband.


to be continued. i got the notes right here. this shit will be fucking awesome!!!!!!

there is good news to be told, but no one will answer the phone. so no news is good news? but what if there is no way to tell anyone about the amazing thing that has just come across my path, my feet are happy. my phone is by my side, as always, but alas, no one calls me back or cares that i called. but this will not damper my smile, however. i'll just let everybody know when i am holding it in front of their faces.

here is some of my art.... i'm posting this again. enjoy!

they do not

so i got my little girl this book that on the back it reads, "Boys of all ages like to play the young scientist, show off with card tricks, and solve mind bending puzzles. they want to know it all, try things out, and amaze their friends. they like to experiment, repair, and create."

wtf, this sounds like me. andrea=little boy.

i got the book for my little girl because it said it has all kinds of activities in it, lots of stuff for her to check out. my girl is awesome. boys smell funny.

i'm listening to viva radio, www.viva-radio.com
so many great dj's, and so may different styles. someone even has a show dedicated solely to 'obscure cassette sounds from the african continent.' (wow) it's really cool. i like how all the wird string instruments are tuned in a different scale, some sweet weirdness in comparison to our 'every good boy does fine' and 'face.' ha.

lovely early and still cincinnati. pun intended. and of course, the fly girls, fuck yea.

just got done eating mcdonald's finest breakfast i have ever partaken of ever everest ever, all is well in my stomach, at least for now, well, until the coffee sets in and i have to take the most humongous shit ever known to mankind. sipping out of the styrofoam death trap makes it all even better, the deathtrap that knows no end to its ugly and wastoid styled life, a life much like mine feels at this very moment after hanging out with its evil shade of white styrofoam for these minutes: i am waiting to go in to work, yes, weirdly, i have arrived early today to chase the dollar at the little restaurant. anticipation of chasing death got me out of bed early this morning, i really don't know why, but hey, i'll go with it. it gives me a chance to write with the wifi from my car in a downtown parking spot. lovely early and still cincinnati.

i watched a ton of television yesterday. a fucking ton. mass. it's weird too, i usually don't do such things on my days off. i have errands to do, people to do or people to see, shit to get accomplished. but yesterday there was not a damm thing for my unproductive ass to do. i did end up actually going out of the house, but only for about an hour or so. it was with my friend sarah, she wanted to g o to plato's closet and try to sell some of our cklothing that we don't wear anymore. they didn't want any of my shit, which was surprising, since all my shit is awesome. i just didn't understand... but back to the point of me and the amount of television i watched yesterday: yes, it was a lot. this is due to the fact that i actually have cable now. i enjoy it still, the novelty phase has not worn off yet surprisingly. there was an hour filled of laughter from 'in living color,' that show is one of the funniest shows i have ever seen; i love the style and the way it tackled societal racial issues. fuckin funny as hell, laughing out loud. ....homie don't play that?!?!? are you fuckin for real Damon Waynes? he plays some lame ass house husband now on some disney television show, complete with a background laugh track. minus societal racial issues. my daughter loves the hell out of that Disney show, though. there are some funny things that happen, yes, but goodness. goodness. bring back homie the clown, handy man, and the homeless dude that carried a jar of his piss with a pickle inside of it. fuck! that shit makes me laugh out loud right now as i write. the characters those brothers came up with on that show, along with jim carrey and kelly coffield park... wow. fuckin genius. and of course, the fly girls. fuck yea.